IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that young
people
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 should invest their
time
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
 fully before they reach 18 years old. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement to some extent because of the
time
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 needed for brain
developement
Correct your spelling
development
, social skill enhancement, and maturity to
choise
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choose
 a proper
career
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 that
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 can provide. It may require
time
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 to develop a person's cognitive capability, socialization and right
career
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 path.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
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 think that schooling can teach
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
skills
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thinking power and may
enhace
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enhance
 creativity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social skill
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 is another crucial factor. When a person goes to school, he/she has to encounter with other pupils. Not only that, there could be some
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
show examples
 that may need group work.
Hence
Linking Words
, they learn how to communicate and
to
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apply
show examples
solve the problem together.
This
Linking Words
 factor can immensely improve their social
skills
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.
Secondly
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,
ultil
Correct your spelling
until
util
 18, a person is not
matured
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mature
show examples
 enough to decide what is best to choose as a
career
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. It is because
,
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system deals with
career
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choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 and they teach subjects related to
this
Linking Words
. On an important note, if someone
want
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wants
show examples
 to pass
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
, usually it requires full
time
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 of study.
Therefore
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, without
endulging
Correct your spelling
indulging
 full
time
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, one might not pass and get the desired job. Even though there are plenty of jobs for high school dropouts, but usually they are very
low paid
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low-paid
show examples
 simply because they may not require any particular
skills
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.
However
Linking Words
,
full
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full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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 may not make an expert in something. It is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system is not designed in
such
Linking Words
 a way mostly. Usually, it teaches
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of subjects until university. And to pass a university may take more than 18 years of age.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 modern world
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not want university graduates without
skills
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. They rather prefer someone who is very skilled in something. Many
people
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 believe that
this
Linking Words
 modern
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
 is full with so much of
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 free educational
contents
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content
show examples
. They argue that anyone from anywhere in the world can learn anything without
necessarity
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 going to school and investing full
time
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.
While
Linking Words
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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 may not make someone an expert in something, it teaches social norms and
help
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helps
show examples
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 cognitive power and creativity,
that is
Linking Words
 why I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement to some extent.
Submitted by niloyirtisam on

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coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structure to ensure your essay flows better. Organize your points clearly in separate paragraphs to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that outlines your stance and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. This will give your essay a more complete feel.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas and points are expressed more clearly. Avoid overcomplicating sentences and focus on clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly, expressing agreement with the statement to some extent, and touches upon key aspects of cognitive development, social skills, and career choice.
task achievement
There is a good effort to provide reasons and examples to support your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
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