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Writing Samples
Band 7

Parent, usually mothers, give up work, choose to stay home and look after families. Some people think the government should give them salary, others disagree. Discuss both and give your opinion?

#parent #mothers #work #home #families #people #government #salary
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Taking care of children is a crucial issue, and is always challenging for parents, especially
mothers
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, because of the fact that
this
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 role is often being imposed on
mothers
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. In order to accomplish
this
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 task,
mothers
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 are usually obliged to quit their jobs and stay at home to sort out their children’s demands.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
mothers
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 should receive wages from the government, others think the opposite. From my point of view, I agree with the first viewpoint. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both opinions and elaborate my own thoughts.
People
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 who support the idea that
mothers
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 should have an income for taking care of the family, demonstrate that
this
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 theory has lots of positive consequences. One of the most significant outcomes of
such
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 actions is the feeling of appreciation
that is
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 induced in
mothers
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. Research shows that
mothers
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 who quit their jobs for the sake of their families are more prone to psychological disorders
such
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 as depression.The more they feel rewarded for their efforts, the healthier they stay, and
as a result
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 they raise more productive children for society.
For instance
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, lots of successful individuals owe their success to their contented positive-minded
mothers
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 are against
this
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 idea. Their main debate is that staying at home doing house chores, and nurturing children is one of the traditional and instinctive duties of every woman which does not require wages.
For example
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, in the past,
while
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 men were working out to earn money for the family,
mothers
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 used to stay indoors to sort out family matters. In my opinion, having faced the remarkable changes in our lifestyle and social norms in the past few decades, it is more beneficial to rearrange some rules to be more aligned with today’s social circumstances. I, as well, hold the view that
mothers
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 should be paid for working at home. All in all,
although
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 some
people
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 disagree with the proposal of unemployed
mothers
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 receiving salaries from the government, I agree with the supporters of
this
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 proposal based on the irrefutable psychological impacts that are mentioned.
Submitted by basri.fateme on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure clear transitions between paragraphs and the points discussed. This will help maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Expand on relevant examples to make your argument stronger. Providing concrete evidence or statistics can enhance the credibility of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is fully explored and explained in detail to comprehensively address the essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and succinct introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, making it a complete and balanced response.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and comprehensive, making the essay easy to read and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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