IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since ancient times
people
Use synonyms
 tried to treat themselves
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 herbals and
another natural products
Replace the adjective
another natural product
other natural products
show examples
.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days
this
Linking Words
 type of
treatment
Use synonyms
 is
named as
Verb problem
called
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 with some diseases decide to use
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines
instead
Linking Words
 of classic
medicine
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will try to discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of using traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
. The first reason is that nobody knows how
this
Linking Words
treatment
Use synonyms
 will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a person's health. There are a lot of cases when using different herbals caused allergic
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
 and some
people
Use synonyms
dead
Replace the word
died
show examples
. The next reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have any medical education try
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines. They do not know what the result will be and hope that it will be positive but not always is like that.
Although
Linking Words
 there are a lot of disadvantages,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 might make
people
Use synonyms
 not go to
usual
Add an article
the usual
a usual
show examples
 doctor. The first and the main pro is that using herbals does not cause environmental problems
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution or gas waste. Many pharmaceutical plants use chemicals which have harmful
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on the environment. The other reason is that
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines are usually much cheaper than usual
Use synonyms
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 as you do not have to go to
pharmacy
Add an article
the pharmacy
a pharmacy
show examples
 and buy expensive drugs. To sum it up, the
alternative
Use synonyms
treatment
Use synonyms
 will be forever because it has some advantages which many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can outweigh the disadvantages but I do not think so.
The conventional
Correct article usage
Conventional
show examples
medicine
Use synonyms
 which develops
rocketly
Correct your spelling
rockets
rocket
rocketry
 will drive out other types of
treatment
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of alternative medicines, it somewhat lacks depth in discussing the points. Provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both pros and cons of the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: