IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays many people wear western clothes rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #development
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In
this
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 contemporary world,
people
Use synonyms
 try to follow the most trending and latest fashion to look attractive.
People
Use synonyms
 often adopt modern clothing
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
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instead
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 of old and boring attire.
This
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 essay will
highlights
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highlight
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 the reasons and discuss
weather
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whether
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 it is
constructive
Correct article usage
a constructive
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 or pessimistic development. To commence, one of the major
reason
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reasons
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 to follow
Correct article usage
the western
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western
Capitalize word
Western
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 dressing
pattern
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patterns
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 is that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
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 advanced and updated
that
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which
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catch
Correct subject-verb agreement
catches
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 eye of
people
Use synonyms
. One excellent example of
this
Linking Words
 is,
most
Correct word choice
that most
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 of the
model
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models
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 and public figures wear
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
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,
thus
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 everyone
admire
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admires
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 them.
Moreover
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,
that
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 always want new
creation
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creations
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 rather than sticking
on
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to
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 old fashion.
Therefore
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, every individual
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
updated
Correct article usage
an updated
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 design to be more confident and highlighted.
Secondly
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,
this
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 development will bring some contradiction. Youth of
this
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 generation
doesnot
Verb problem
do not
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 even know the value of their norms and traditions. Choosing
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 and fashionable dresses is
consider
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considered
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 as living quality and modern lifestyle.
However
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, keeping and promoting
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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 traditional clothing is equally important. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is,
wearing
Correct word choice
that wearing
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own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
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 cultural clothes
in
Change preposition
on
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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special
occasion
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occasions
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 like
weading
Correct your spelling
weddings
 and
birthday
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birthdays
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 will help to keep
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 value alive for future
generation
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generations
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.
Ti
Correct your spelling
To
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 summarise, taking the evidence into consideration, it is good to adopt
western
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Western
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 clothing;
nevertheless
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,
ones
Replace the word
one
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 should always know and try to protect the traditional values.
Submitted by pikku on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single idea that directly supports the main argument. For instance, the introduction could be slightly more specific about the contrast between western and traditional clothes.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy by refining sentence structure and verb tenses. For example, 'To commence, one of the major reasons to follow western dressing pattern is that, it looks advanced and updated that catches an eye of people.'
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both parts of the question and demonstrates a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured and convey the essay's main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • modernity
  • versatility
  • practicality
  • Western media
  • fashion industry
  • widespread adoption
  • professional settings
  • preservation
  • cultural diversity
  • cultural integration
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • unique cultural identities
  • expression of individuality
  • innovative
What to do next:
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