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Band 3.5

Nowadays many people wear western clothes rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #development
In
this
 contemporary world,
people
 try to follow the most trending and latest fashion to look attractive.
People
 often adopt modern clothing
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
instead
 of old and boring attire.
This
 essay will
highlights
Change the verb form
highlight
show examples
 the reasons and discuss
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 it is
constructive
Correct article usage
a constructive
show examples
 or pessimistic development. To commence, one of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to follow
Correct article usage
the western
show examples
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 dressing
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 is that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 advanced and updated
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
catch
Correct subject-verb agreement
catches
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 eye of
people
. One excellent example of
this
 is,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of the
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 and public figures wear
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
,
thus
 everyone
admire
Change the verb form
admires
show examples
 them.
Moreover
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 always want new
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
 rather than sticking
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 old fashion.
Therefore
, every individual
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
updated
Correct article usage
an updated
show examples
 design to be more confident and highlighted.
Secondly
,
this
 development will bring some contradiction. Youth of
this
 generation
doesnot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 even know the value of their norms and traditions. Choosing
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 and fashionable dresses is
consider
Change the form of the verb
considered
show examples
 as living quality and modern lifestyle.
However
, keeping and promoting
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 traditional clothing is equally important. A good illustration of
this
 is,
wearing
Correct word choice
that wearing
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
show examples
 cultural clothes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
special
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
 like
weading
Correct your spelling
weddings
 and
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
 will help to keep
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 value alive for future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
Ti
Correct your spelling
To
show examples
 summarise, taking the evidence into consideration, it is good to adopt
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 clothing;
nevertheless
,
ones
Replace the word
one
show examples
 should always know and try to protect the traditional values.
Submitted by pikku on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single idea that directly supports the main argument. For instance, the introduction could be slightly more specific about the contrast between western and traditional clothes.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy by refining sentence structure and verb tenses. For example, 'To commence, one of the major reasons to follow western dressing pattern is that, it looks advanced and updated that catches an eye of people.'
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both parts of the question and demonstrates a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured and convey the essay's main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • modernity
  • versatility
  • practicality
  • Western media
  • fashion industry
  • widespread adoption
  • professional settings
  • preservation
  • cultural diversity
  • cultural integration
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • unique cultural identities
  • expression of individuality
  • innovative
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