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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money fortheir future.. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #fortheir #future
It is believed by some
people
 that saving
money
 is crucial for everyone. l totally agree
Change preposition
with thisviewpoint
show examples
thisviewpoint
Correct your spelling
this viewpoint
. From my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, it is vital for
people
 to deposit
money
, especially for
theyoung
Correct your spelling
the young
young
people
.
People
 are able to make
fully
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full
show examples
 preparation of uncertain risks in the future using the
savedmoney
Correct your spelling
saved money
save money
. There may be lots of uncertain issues and accidents in
people
's lives,
such
 as
Correct article usage
the theilness
show examples
theilness
Correct your spelling
the illness
 of family members and the huge losses caused by the
earthguakes
Correct your spelling
earthquakes
earthquake
.
That is
whypeople
Correct your spelling
why people
 should have enough deposited
money
 to support their lives and deal
withdifficulties
Correct your spelling
with difficulties
 when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unexpected problems occur.
For instance
, if
people
 find their
familieswith
Correct your spelling
families with
 terrible diseases suddenly,
fully
Change the word
full
show examples
money
 can make their families have the
essentialmedical
Correct your spelling
essential medical
 treatments, which is the key to
cure
Wrong verb form
curing
show examples
 themselves. Depositing
money
 is beneficial to help
people
 to avoid abusing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 in
uselessaspects
Correct your spelling
useless aspects
. When
people
 are young, owing to the lack of
fully
Change the adverb
full
show examples
 self-control and
numerousappealing
Correct your spelling
numerous appealing
 advertisements,
people
 easily waste
money
 on worthless things without
carefuconsideration
Correct your spelling
careful consideration
. So if
people
 have the
ideas
Fix the agreement mistake
idea
show examples
 of saving
money
, they can better control
theilbehaviors
Correct your spelling
their behaviours
 and accumulate
money
 to invest
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 future like cultivating a
meaningfuhobbies
Correct your spelling
hobbies
 or buying
the
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apply
show examples
stocks. If
people
 decide to have
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
, sufficient
money
 is the key to
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 their kids wonderful
livesDuring
Correct your spelling
During
 the growth of children, there are many situations that need plenty of
money
,
suchas
Correct your spelling
such as
 baby clothes, baby toys and so on.
Therefore
, cultivating the hobbies of saving
moneycan
Correct your spelling
money can
money
 aid
people
 to relieve the stresses in the future. In a nutshell, saving
money
 is significant for
people
 to prepare for uncertainty, get
ride
Correct your spelling
rid
show examples
ofthe
Correct your spelling
of the
 abuse of
money
 and offer their kids better lives.
Submitted by zhaoruolin220 on

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grammar
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development
Expand on the main points with more detailed examples and analysis. This can help to provide a fuller answer and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
sentence structure
Work on sentence variety and complexity. Currently, some sentences are overly simple or repetitive.
clarity
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and adheres to it throughout the essay.
structure
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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