IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money fortheir future.. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #fortheir #future
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It is believed by some
people
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 that saving
money
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 is crucial for everyone. l totally agree
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with thisviewpoint
show examples
thisviewpoint
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this viewpoint
. From my
perspectives
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perspective
show examples
, it is vital for
people
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 to deposit
money
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, especially for
theyoung
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the young
young
people
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.
People
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 are able to make
fully
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full
show examples
 preparation of uncertain risks in the future using the
savedmoney
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saved money
save money
. There may be lots of uncertain issues and accidents in
people
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's lives,
such
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 as
Correct article usage
the theilness
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theilness
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the illness
 of family members and the huge losses caused by the
earthguakes
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earthquakes
earthquake
.
That is
Linking Words
whypeople
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why people
 should have enough deposited
money
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 to support their lives and deal
withdifficulties
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with difficulties
 when
the
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apply
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unexpected problems occur.
For instance
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, if
people
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 find their
familieswith
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families with
 terrible diseases suddenly,
fully
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full
show examples
money
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 can make their families have the
essentialmedical
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essential medical
 treatments, which is the key to
cure
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curing
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 themselves. Depositing
money
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 is beneficial to help
people
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 to avoid abusing
the
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apply
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money
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 in
uselessaspects
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useless aspects
. When
people
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 are young, owing to the lack of
fully
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full
show examples
 self-control and
numerousappealing
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numerous appealing
 advertisements,
people
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 easily waste
money
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 on worthless things without
carefuconsideration
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careful consideration
. So if
people
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 have the
ideas
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idea
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 of saving
money
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, they can better control
theilbehaviors
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their behaviours
 and accumulate
money
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 to invest
their
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in their
show examples
 future like cultivating a
meaningfuhobbies
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hobbies
 or buying
the
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apply
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stocks. If
people
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 decide to have
baby
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a baby
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, sufficient
money
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 is the key to
offer
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offering
show examples
 their kids wonderful
livesDuring
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During
 the growth of children, there are many situations that need plenty of
money
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,
suchas
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such as
 baby clothes, baby toys and so on.
Therefore
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, cultivating the hobbies of saving
moneycan
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money can
money
 aid
people
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 to relieve the stresses in the future. In a nutshell, saving
money
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 is significant for
people
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 to prepare for uncertainty, get
ride
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rid
show examples
ofthe
Correct your spelling
of the
 abuse of
money
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 and offer their kids better lives.
Submitted by zhaoruolin220 on

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grammar
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development
Expand on the main points with more detailed examples and analysis. This can help to provide a fuller answer and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
sentence structure
Work on sentence variety and complexity. Currently, some sentences are overly simple or repetitive.
clarity
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and adheres to it throughout the essay.
structure
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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