More and more people in developed countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problem dose this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?
In fact,
majority
of Correct article usage
the majority
people
in developed countries
tend to buy cars
as their first transportation
option
. This
matter is caused by many background reasons, in developed countries
, the way the traffic works is a little bit different than the advance
Replace the word
advanced
countries
.
In developed countries
, the road is not a safe and friendly place for people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
walks
to their destination, whether to go to work, school, or any other personal purposes. The pollution has to be the main problem here, it could lead Correct subject-verb agreement
walk
into
how Change preposition
to
incovinient
the streets are. Correct your spelling
inconvenient
Hence
, people
prefer to use an accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
option
that offers the most convinient
way possible and Correct your spelling
convenient
that is
car
.
Other than that, the safety factor has an impact on how Add an article
the car
a car
people
choose their transportation
. By choosing
Change preposition
Choosing
car
it could decrease the risk of being injured, if we try to compare it with other personal Add an article
a car
transportation
, such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
motorcycle
. BecauseCorrect article usage
a motorcycle
,
Remove the comma
apply
accident
involving a motorcycle could lead more to the impact of the injury. Correct article usage
an accident
Thats
why Correct your spelling
That's
people
in developed countries
are buying the
Correct article usage
apply
cars
as their first option
.
Lastly
, the
public Correct article usage
apply
transportation
could
is not Verb problem
apply
convinient
and safe enough for Correct your spelling
convenient
people
to go around with it. The crime rate that happens in public transportation
has a significant effect on how people
considers
their options.
Based on the Change the verb form
consider
reasonings
above, there are two possible Replace the word
reasons
solution
, the first one is to enhance our public Change to a plural noun
solutions
transportation
safety, so people
could travel with it, without any thought that it could lead into
crime Change preposition
to
scene
. Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
Secondly
, is to
improve our roads and other public access to ensure Correct word choice
important to
for
Change preposition
that
people
with a consideration that choose to travel with any personal transportation
other than cars
, such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
motorcycle
. The main idea here is not Correct article usage
a motorcycle
surpressing
Correct your spelling
suppressing
surprising
the
Change to a genitive case
the option of the car
the car's option
cars
option
, but rather to make an option
so the volume of any personal transportation
on the road could differ and people
could choose wisely and freely according to
their personal preferences.Submitted by apriandijonathan on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a good response to the task, addressing both the problems and offering possible solutions. However, make sure to go more in-depth with specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that hinder comprehension. For example, 'the way the traffic works is a little bit different than the advance countries' should be 'the way traffic works is a little bit different in developed countries compared to developing ones.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main points are logically linked and build upon one another. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps structure your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have identified specific problems and offered relevant solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.