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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Statistics have shown the percentage of
technology
Use synonyms
 that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the U.S have used from 1995 to 1999
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Changes in
people
Use synonyms
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 improved with the help of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the year 1999, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the U.S. used washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
very useful from
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
 provided
while
Linking Words
 only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 users utilized the DVD player. The use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 has persistently increased except for the DVD player which along the cline has the most
declinig
Correct your spelling
decline
 percentage. With the span
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 years given, the phone has significantly increased compared to other
thecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 used.
First,
Linking Words
from 1995 to 1996, all of the
technology
Use synonyms
 used
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to approximately 10% except for the DVD player which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 10%. Among
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
technology
Use synonyms
 used between 1995 and 1999, the phone was the only
technology
Use synonyms
 which has increased to around 50%. Meanwhile, the washing machine remained the
technology
Use synonyms
 which most of the
people
Use synonyms
 used from 1995 to 1999.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words technology, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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