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Band 6

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida
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The table illustrates the percentage of average income for one person in different groups : under 18 and over 60. It
also
Linking Words
 shows the rate of the population below the poverty line.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there is a big difference between people's income in
California
Use synonyms
 which has the most
while
Linking Words
Utah
Use synonyms
 has the least. For the average earning for one person in dollars under 18,
Utah
Use synonyms
 had the highest which was 28%.
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
 had a similar rate respectively 17% and 16%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 for the people over 60,
Utah
Use synonyms
 had the least rating 8%. It was followed by
California
Use synonyms
 at 13 and
Florida
Use synonyms
 rated the most at 23%. We can see that the average income per person in dollars does not have a big difference among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 regions.
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
 had a similar figure which was $23,000 and $22,000.
Utah
Use synonyms
 had the lowest average having $17,000.
This
Linking Words
 is related to the percentage of people below the poverty line.
California
Use synonyms
 rated 18% which was the highest followed by
Florida
Use synonyms
 at 12%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Utah
Change preposition
in Utah
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
9% of the population
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was poor.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words california, utah, florida with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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