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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Carribean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Carribean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph presents the number of tourists visiting a Caribbean island over the 7-year period from the year 2010 to the year 2017.
Overall
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,
this
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 line graph shows two choices for tourists, staying on cruise ships, and staying on the island. In general, both options depict an upward trend during the period from 2010 to 2017,
while
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 having a fluctuation.
To begin
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 with, the total number of visitors climbed gradually, which rose from one
million
Use synonyms
 to 3,5
million
Use synonyms
, with the exception of the period from 2015 to 2016 which remained unchanged and approximately accounted for 2,75
million
Use synonyms
 travellers.
Subsequently
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, the item of staying on cruise ships had a significant growth and shrinking trend from 2010 to 2017.
Firstly
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, it was located at 0,75
million
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2011, starting to rise to 1,5
million
Use synonyms
 increasingly in 2013.
Secondly
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, it remained at 1,5
million
Use synonyms
 between 2013 to 2015, fluctuated from 2015 to 2017, and ultimately at 1,5
million
Use synonyms
.
Next,
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the option of staying on the island had a clear growth after 2012, which climbed from 0,25
million
Use synonyms
 to 2
million
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, before 2012, it had a fluctuation between 2010 to 2012.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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