IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

YOU RECENTLY HELPED YOUR COMPANY TO ORGANISE A PARTY,WHICH TOOK PLACE IN A HOTEL.THE PARTY WAS SUCCESSFUL EXCEPT FOR A FEW MINOR PROBLEMS WRITE A LETTER TO THE HOTEL MANAGER IN YOUR LETTER GIVE DETAILS OF THE PARTY SAY WHAT YOU WERE PLEASED WITH SUGGEST IMPROVEMENTS WHICH COULD BE MADE

#company #organise #party #place #hotel #manager #improvements
I am writing to thank you for hosting our company party on June 07, 2024. Approximately 150 employees and their families attended the event, which was a great success. The grand ballroom's elegant décor, spacious layout, and
overall
 ambience were highly appreciated. The catering service was exceptional, offering a variety of delicious dishes, and the staff’s attentiveness contributed greatly to the positive experience.
However
, there were a few minor issues. The sound system experienced occasional feedback during speeches, which was a bit disruptive. We suggest thoroughly checking the audio equipment before events to prevent
such
 occurrences.
Additionally
,
while
 the food was excellent, the vegetarian options were somewhat limited. Guests with dietary restrictions would appreciate a more extensive range of vegetarian dishes. Despite these minor issues, we were very pleased with the
overall
 experience and look forward to working with you again in the future. Once again, I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to you and your team for hosting our event. Sincerely, John Egbe
Submitted by henikeassociates on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all technical aspects, such as the sound system, are thoroughly checked before use. Mentioning this explicitly might have highlighted the importance of technical readiness.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking up your paragraphs slightly more to enhance readability, particularly when shifting focus from positive feedback to suggestions.
task achievement
The letter opens with a clear statement of purpose and provides specific details about the party, such as the date and the number of attendees.
task achievement
Suggestions for improvement are appropriately diplomatic and constructive, which maintains a professional tone.
coherence cohesion
The letter follows a logical structure with an introductory greeting, body paragraphs addressing positive aspects and issues, and a closing statement.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a single idea clearly, contributing to the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: