IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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It is believed that
science
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 is for the sake of human convenience. It should be used as a tool to increase the
quality
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 of
people
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's
lives
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.
However
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, the development of
science
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 may not always be compatible with a better
life
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 for everyone. War and weapons can be a good indication of the devastating
effects
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 of improvement in
science
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. In my opinion,
science
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 should be only in favour of better
lives
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 and
such
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 impacts might be controlled or avoided. First of all, thanks to
science
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,
people
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's
life
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quality
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 has
appreciated
Verb problem
increased
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 substantially. It might be impossible for almost everyone to imagine the world without all
this
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progressions
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progress
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.
For example
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, the development in agricultural equipment and methods has caused a rise in the amount of food production and made the food available for the increasing population of the world. Another example might be the technology. Basically,
people
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 rely on technology so heavily that a day without it might turn out
tobe
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to be
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Correct article usage
an anightmare
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anightmare
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a nightmare
nightmare
. One reason for
that is
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 the extent to which it made everything easier, we do not have to go to the banks anymore and squander our precious time in crowded rows for opening a bank account or paying a bill. We
also
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 get to purchase our needed items online in less than a minute. So, the improvement of
science
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 in agriculture and technology are two great examples of how
science
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 can lead us to a better and easier
life
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.
On the other hand
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, the catastrophic
effects
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 of
science
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 should not be ignored. It can be a double-edged sword and the impacts may not be compatible with a better
quality
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 of human
life
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. Governments may spend a lot of money on manufacturing new and powerful weapons to extend their territories and put the
lives
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 of many
poeples
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peoples
people
 at risk. In
this
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 case not only
the
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does the
show examples
 development of
science
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 not result in
life
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 improvement, but
also
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 it will cause many problems
instead
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.
Thus
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, I believe that the main purpose of
science
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 might be to increase the
life
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quality
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, and
such
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 devastating
effects
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 should be eliminated. In conclusion,
Science
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 can have both negative and positive
effects
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 on
people
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's
lives
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, it is important to be aware of the negative ones and try to work toward the ones that lead to a better
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try to ensure that all parts of your paragraphs are clearly related to the main point. You may want to use more transitional phrases to connect your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific and detailed examples. While your examples related to agriculture and technology are good, more depth and specificity would make your arguments stronger.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'progressions' instead of 'progress,' 'tobe anightmare' instead of 'to be a nightmare,' and 'poeples' instead of 'people.' Correcting these would make your writing clearer.
task achievement
You have effectively covered both sides of the argument, which makes your discussion balanced and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and encapsulate the main points of the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphing and development of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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