Some people think that sport has significant impact on the society, others think that sport is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Whilst a number of people believe that
sport
is an important thing in the
society, since it can considerably influence Correct article usage
apply
on
national economics, others and I Change preposition
apply
thinks
that it plays only Change the verb form
think
entertainment
role. Correct article usage
an entertainment
This
essay will examine both views in the following paragrpaphs
.
On the one hand, arranging huge scenes, Correct your spelling
paragraphs
such
as Correct article usage
the olympic
olympic
games or Change the capitalization
Olympic
world's
football championship can bring Correct article usage
the world's
significant
amount of money through Add an article
a significant
the
expensive tickets and tourists. To illustrate, many people around the world are Correct article usage
apply
comming
to Correct your spelling
coming
the
certain Correct article usage
a
place
to watch their favourite Fix the agreement mistake
places
sport
competition, spending their Change the noun form
sports
moneys
on local facilities, like hotels, Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
restourants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
Hence
, bringing beneficual
Correct your spelling
beneficial
effect
on the foreign country.
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
Nevertheless
, organization
of Correct article usage
the organization
such
venue
is expensive Correct article usage
a venue
due to
the winning budget, relevant equipment, creating schedule
and supporting Add an article
a schedule
the schedule
sportsman
with Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
acoomadation
, so almost all income will be spent on Correct your spelling
accommodation
this
. In other words
, in spite of the fact that gainings from sport
are giant, they anyways will not bring any extreme advantage. For example
, according to
a recent study, only awards and checks for a
winners Correct article usage
apply
takes
a third of all Correct subject-verb agreement
take
budget
for the competition, despite the other Correct article usage
the budget
spendings
. Fix the agreement mistake
spending
Therefore
, sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
creates
Verb problem
have
a
little effect on society.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, sport
events are obviously fascinating and may bring money via providing tickets and souvenirs, but the major amount of them is meaningless as they will be spent on managing and organisationChange the noun form
sports
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic, which is a good start. However, to enhance task achievement, make sure to provide a more balanced discussion and develop each point with greater detail.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is mostly clear, but transitions between points and paragraphs could be smoother to improve readability. Try using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There are some language inaccuracies and grammatical errors that slightly hinder understanding. Pay attention to spelling and sentence structure. Consider using a mix of simple and complex sentences to add variety to your writing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic, which provides a clear framework for your essay.
task achievement
The use of a specific example (spending money on local facilities during sports events) strengthens your argument and makes it more relatable.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.