Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People are divided in their opinions regarding
necessity
of tertiary education in Correct article usage
the necessity
Add an article
a 21-st
the 21-st
21-st
century in order to attain a successful career. Correct your spelling
21st
While
others believe that gaining employment straight after school
is a key for
favourable results in occupation,
Change preposition
to
however
,I strongly believe that without the Bachelor's diploma
Add a comma
diploma,
its
tough to be prosperous.
As far as I am concerned, a multitude of Replace the word
it's
it is
individuals
prefer getting a job as soon as they graduate school
for several reasons.First and foremost,it is a great opportunity to attain financial and personal independence from one's parents. Adolescents via
working can cover all their expenses,Change preposition
apply
acknowledge
the value of money by themselves.Another factor to consider is Correct word choice
and acknowledge
that
opportunity to supply their families with all essential Correct determiner usage
the
equipments
by using their self-earned cash.Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
Subsequently
,they can assist their relatives in purchasing household products and be valuable
person.As evidence,I have heard that a Add an article
a valuable
19 years old
teenage boy purchased a new-brand expensive car for his mother through working in Correct your spelling
19-year-old
CyberSport
team without receiving the high-education diploma after graduating Correct article usage
the CyberSport
school
.This
indicates that in rarely visible consequences, individuals
might achieve the
success in their Correct article usage
apply
life
without experiencing university study.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Nevertheless
,in order to achieve appropriate results in individuals career
, they ought to graduate Fix the agreement mistake
individual careers
tertiary
Change preposition
from tertiary
school
education with reliable grades.A majority of employers choose their subordinates by elaborating their attainment in studying due to
their reinforced comprehension about
significant aspects of their daily theoretical and practical parts of their occupations.To cite an example,when it comes to applying for a well-paid profession,Change preposition
of
individuals
need to provide their documents which can demonstrate their prospects for realizing an efficient breakthrough in tremendous
company.Add an article
the tremendous
a tremendous
As a consequence
, this
person who graduated institution will always dominate in society in comparison with people who are illiterate. Whether it is straightforward conversation in common topics or difficult scientific things,those individuals
who gained university life will prevail.
Weighing up both sides of the argument, in order to be the holder of a profitable profession with countless benefits for individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
career
, they need to be obliged to continue enhancing their knowledge through studying at university.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, which is effective for achieving the task response. However, it's essential to balance the argument more equally. The view of gaining employment after school is not extensively covered.
task achievement
The essay should include more clear and comprehensive ideas. Expand on your points with more detail and rationale to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure could be improved. Some sentences can be rephrased for better clarity. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Provide stronger support for your main points with more specific and relevant examples. This will help to illustrate and substantiate your arguments more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction succinctly presents both views and your opinion. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The introduction presents the topic and opinion clearly, setting the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a conclusion that summarizes the main idea and reinforces your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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