It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays the number of working
hours
increases significantly. It is argued that many individuals who had
a good achievement Wrong verb form
have
on
the world Change preposition
in
they
usually give themselves to their job and they do not care about the idea of Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
-life balance
. This
essay will explain why it is important to have a work
-life balance
.
Many people
enjoy in
their Change preposition
apply
work
and they take too long hours
at work
. This
make
them feel happy because they can achieve their goals. Change the verb form
makes
Although
they achieving their career goals, they are far away from their families. Furthermore
, when they take a long time
in
Change preposition
to
work
, they will burnout
. Burnout makes them feel hard to achieve anything more ,they will feel tired and Correct your spelling
burn out
stressful
. Replace the word
stressed
As a result
, their work
outcomes will decrease and effect
their Correct your spelling
affect
progresses
. For that, it is important to have Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
balance
.
Another point to consider is work
-life balance
helps people
to do their work
effectively and their stress levels will reduce. when employees have specific work
time
also
they have other time
for themselves. This
makes them work
effectively and for long
Change the article
a long
time
with a good energy level. furthermore
, working without any balance
this
will make them suffer from diseases Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as mental health problems . For example
, a recent study found that the rate of diseases increased in people
who worked for long hours
, whereas
other employees who worked a
fewer Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
hours
had lower disease rate
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
rates
a
famous Correct article usage
apply
people
who had a good affect
Replace the word
effect
in
our world Change preposition
on
they
worked without Correct pronoun usage
apply
balance
. and this
will make
many Verb problem
cause
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
such
as burnout, so they have to balance
their life.Submitted by sarraadel1551 on
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task achievement
Try to include more clear and varied examples to support your points. Specific examples related to different professions or famous personalities who managed or failed to maintain a work-life balance would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence. Some sentences are lengthy and could be made clearer with simpler wording or shorter sentences.
coherence cohesion
Improve your grammar and vocabulary. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that make your ideas less clear. Also, avoid repeating the same ideas—vary your points to make a stronger argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your intention to discuss the importance of work-life balance. This is a great start!
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay. This brings a sense of closure to your discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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