IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 increases significantly. It is argued that many individuals who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a good achievement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
usually give themselves to their job and they do not care about the idea of
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
-life
balance
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why it is important to have a
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
-life
balance
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
work
Use synonyms
 and they take too long
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them feel happy because they can achieve their goals.
Although
Linking Words
 they achieving their career goals, they are far away from their families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when they take a long
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, they will
burnout
Correct your spelling
burn out
show examples
. Burnout makes them feel hard to achieve anything more ,they will feel tired and
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
 , their
work
Use synonyms
 outcomes will decrease and
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
progresses
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
. For that, it is important to have
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider is
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
-life
balance
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to do their
work
Use synonyms
 effectively and their stress levels will reduce. when employees have specific
work
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they have other
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves.
This
Linking Words
 makes them
work
Use synonyms
 effectively and for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with a good energy level.
furthermore
Linking Words
, working without any
balance
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make them suffer from diseases
such
Linking Words
 as mental health problems .
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study found that the rate of diseases increased in
people
Use synonyms
 who worked for long
hours
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 other employees who worked
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 had lower disease
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
Use synonyms
 who had a good
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our world
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
worked without
balance
Use synonyms
. and
this
Linking Words
 will
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as burnout, so they have to
balance
Use synonyms
 their life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more clear and varied examples to support your points. Specific examples related to different professions or famous personalities who managed or failed to maintain a work-life balance would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence. Some sentences are lengthy and could be made clearer with simpler wording or shorter sentences.
coherence cohesion
Improve your grammar and vocabulary. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that make your ideas less clear. Also, avoid repeating the same ideas—vary your points to make a stronger argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your intention to discuss the importance of work-life balance. This is a great start!
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay. This brings a sense of closure to your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-being
  • Productivity
  • Fulfilling
  • Time management
  • Prioritize
  • Burnout
  • Boundaries
  • Dedication
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Efficiency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: