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Band 2

Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #prevention #measures
The presented par expresses the average
earnings
 in the
republic
Capitalize word
Republic
show examples
 of
Ireland
 in five different years, with projections for the future,
Earning
Fix the agreement mistake
Earnings
show examples
 are in US dollars.
Overall
, in 2018 had the highest percentage of
earnings
 in the
Republic
 of
Ireland
On the other hand
, in 1968 had the lowest percentage of
earnings
 in the
Republic
 of
Ireland
 In the year 1998, the average
earnings
 in the
Republic
 of
Ireland
 had doubled since 1968 . But as we can see in 2008 it dropped down to a shortage of a quarter. In the year, 2018 the average
earnings
 in the
Republic
 of
Ireland
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had tripled since 1968. Between the year, 2008 to 2018
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 had increased by a third.
Submitted by shaikha.alsaif4 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt by providing a well-rounded analysis and avoiding repetition. Consider discussing why health education and prevention measures are important and provide specific benefits or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by organizing the essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly and ensure that each idea is well-supported.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the argument and provide a clearer understanding of the main points. Clarify any vague points to make the response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the essay and summarize the main points. This will contribute to better overall structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to provide a year-by-year breakdown, which shows an effort to logically present the data chronologically.
task achievement
The essay makes an effort to address the key trend in the data by focusing on specific years to highlight the changes in earnings.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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