Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, with the unprecedented development of the Internet, more and more
children
get access to networks using their smartphones
, some of the kids
even spend many hours on them every day. However
, most of the time
, it is not the children
's problem that makes them so addictive
to Replace the word
addicted
smartphones
. Actually, most of the youngsters who often play with their smartphones
have their parents too busy to spend time
with them, they have no choice but to use smartphones
for fun. In addition
, most of the games and apps on the phone are always designed to make people get addicted to them, even adults may fall in love with them and spend lots of time
on them. Undeniably, the development of kids
spending too much time
on smartphones
is negative and should be aware by more people.
First and foremost, getting lost on smartphones
may prevent children
from forming good personalities. To be specific, most of the important personalities are formed in childhood by interacting with the world around us. Youngsters learn to be patient while
playing with toys like Legos, learn to be friendly while
getting along with
other kids
, and learn to be resilient while
dealing with problems in there
lives. Correct your spelling
their
However
, if they put too much time
on
Change preposition
into
smartphones
, they will lose thousands of precious opportunities to become a better person.
Besides
, kids
who use
hours on Verb problem
spend
smartphones
tend to have more psychological problems. As they have less time
to communicate with other people, most of the problems they face can only be dealt with by themselves. However
, they don't have enough knowledge to figure them out most of the time
, so this
may leads
to psychological Change the verb form
lead
disease
that may Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
destroies
them.
In conclusion, there are Correct your spelling
destroy
destroys
may
reasons that make the young ones play their Correct your spelling
many
smartphones
for a long time
, and this
development is so bad that it may affect the whole life of the kids
. We should try our best to help the children
to put their phones down,
and hug the world they are living in.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by RaymondHuang
on
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task achievement
Your essay offers a clear response to the task and provides a logical explanation of why children spend too much time on smartphones and the negative effects of this behavior. However, to improve the task achievement further, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. For instance, citing studies or real-life anecdotes can strengthen your points and provide a more robust analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, there are occasional lapses in clarity. For coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical structure of your arguments. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and consider using more transition words to connect your ideas more fluidly. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported throughout the essay. Sometimes your arguments feel somewhat repetitive. Diversifying your points with different perspectives or additional supporting details will make your essay more compelling and well-rounded.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly states that the issue is not solely the children's fault but also influenced by external factors such as busy parents and addictive designs of smartphone apps.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoints and reinforces the negative aspects of children spending too much time on smartphones. It also provides a call to action, which is a nice touch.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented in your essay are clear and comprehensive. You have good control over grammar and vocabulary, making your writing easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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