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Band 4

Some people say that education should be responsible of the government but that others thinh it is the the responsibility of individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #education #government #thinh #responsibility #individuals
How to improve
standard
Add an article
the standard
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 of
state's
Change noun form
state
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 education is always
concerning
Correct article usage
a concerning
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 issue for every government all over the world.
This
 author opines that it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for the government to
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
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of
Change preposition
for
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 education because of erasing the unfair
in
Change preposition
apply
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connecting
Replace the word
connection
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to
Change preposition
apply
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education between the poor and the wealthy
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing the country.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
task achievement
Give more supporting details or examples to reinforce your main points.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The writing indicates a thoughtful engagement with the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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