some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school student. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
in high
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
should not be forced to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
class,
such
as painting or drawing.
Although
these
subjects
are more likely to
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
students
'
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
do not agree with the idea of making those
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
required courses. On the one hand,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
accept that
art
subjects
could be an optional course, which can improve
student'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
ability
of enjoying
Replace the preposition
to enjoy
show examples
beauty
Add an article
the beauty
show examples
, because
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
can not improve their ability
of knowing
Replace the preposition
to know
show examples
the world and be wise, like
sceince
Correct your spelling
science
subject
, and
also
can not
be improve
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
skills
that make them live well in society in the future.
Art
could be an interest in
students
'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, and if some have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
strong gift
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
that, they can choose one of them to explore and develop
this
major. In that case,
art
is not only the
subject
for them, but their
passionate
Replace the word
passion
show examples
and career to chase. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
famous artists
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
not
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
, but study
themselvies
Correct your spelling
themselves
to finish the masterpieces.
On the other hand
,
students
should
force
Verb problem
focus
show examples
on the key
subjects
,
such
as math and language, in the limited time in high school, and that can enhance their study ability
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
all aspects of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. From a personal perspective, it can argue that
sicence
Correct your spelling
science
and language
subjects
could provide more
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
in college
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since these are the common
subjects
,
therefore
can get more job chances, better salaries and
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
improved quality of life.
Art
can not guarantee these results in large probability. On the societal level, limited resources should allocated in all
asepcts
Correct your spelling
aspects
of
subjects
,
besides
math and language as mandatory,
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
should be optional based on
students
' abilities and gifts. Critical thinking
skills
, technical
skills
and practical
skills
are all needed in the
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
. In conclusion,
although
art
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
good for high school
students'
Correct your spelling
students
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
personally insist that should not be the
requried couses
Correct your spelling
required course
in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school.
Submitted by mikezhao223 on

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task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'benifit', 'sceince', 'teached', 'oppotunities', and 'tent'. These small mistakes can affect the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and variety to make your argument more compelling. Some sentences are repetitive and could be more concise.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points. For example, mention specific studies or real-life examples that support your argument.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple perspectives, weighing both sides of the argument before concluding.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally clear and supported by some reasoning, which makes the essay coherent and easier to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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