IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #department #stores #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table gives information about offline
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia in years 2011. There are several aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of business, profit and sales revenue that
calculated
Add a missing verb
are calculated
show examples
 in AUD,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 its growth.
Overall
Linking Words
, in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 that
was assess
Change the verb form
was assessed
show examples
, online
stores
Use synonyms
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 higher than
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
. First of all, in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
business's
Change noun form
business
show examples
 criteria, offline
stores
Use synonyms
 got 67. Meanwhile, online
stores
Use synonyms
 got four times bigger which was 368. On the other aspects, both have different profits. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
department
Add an article
the department
show examples
 store had
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
807
Change preposition
of 807
show examples
 Australian
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the difference is not far, online
stores
Use synonyms
 had 863 AUD.
In other words
Linking Words
, the difference
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 57 Australian
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
. In different
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
,
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 had a slight differentiation in
criteria
Correct article usage
the criteria
show examples
 of sales revenue. Respectively, 12.700 and 13.400.
Last
Linking Words
, the growth of
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 was 0.4 per cent. On the other
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
, online
stores
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 0.6 per cent. The gap is not significant.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, department with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: