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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967, and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967, and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #student #enrolments #manchester #university #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table illustrates information about the
students
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 enrolling
to
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at
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Manchester
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 University in 1937, and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, both the proportion of
female
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females
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 and the
number
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 of new
students
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 who enrolled increased from 1937 to 2017.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of
male
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males
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 dropped from 1937 to 2017. The
percentage
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 coming from
oversea
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overseas
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 in general is less than that of the
percentage
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 coming within 40 miles of
Manchester
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 except from the year 2017.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Manchester
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 University experienced a growth in the
number
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 of student
enrolment
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enrolments
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 from 327 in 1937 to 1183 in 1967. From 1967 to 2017, it rose dramatically from 1133 to 6254.
This
Linking Words
 means that the
number
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 of new
students
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 enrolling increased by a total
number
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 of 5927 from 1937 to 2017.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 35% in 1967. It
then
Linking Words
 reached a peak of 55% in 2017. In comparison, the
percentage
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 of
male
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males
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inn
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in
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 1967 is 65%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it suffered a slight fall to 45% in 2017.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
students
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 who came from near
Manchester
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is
Wrong verb form
was
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 1-2% in 2017 which is a small
per cent
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percentage
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to that of 32% from
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
.
Submitted by cherrychan926 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, manchester, number, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment numbers
  • increase/decrease in student numbers
  • post-war baby boom
  • globalization
  • technological advancement
  • education accessibility
  • demographic changes
  • overseas students
  • gender representation in education
  • international reputation
  • higher education
  • university capacity
  • social factors
  • economic influences
  • political factors
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