Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

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There is no doubt ,that nowadays children are actively involved in playing violent

games

on computers and mobile. Some people think that playing these

games

increases crime in the urban areas of the country. I partially agree with

this

statement and explain my opinion

further

this

essay with some examples.

To begin

with , Apart from

games

many other things

such

as alcohol , illiteracy and poverty are

also

the major reasons for increasing crime globally .

For Example

,A Delhi Times revealed that more crimes are happening in undeveloped countries to get basic necessary items like food and clothes .

Moreover

,some teenagers are

also

addicted to abusive substances and they do not have control over their minds and

as a result

, they commit crimes.

Secondly

, these days young kids are playing more

games

throughout the day and because of

this

reason, they do not interact with anyone.

furthermore

,they feel isolated and

this

nature can lead to serious health issues

such

as depression ,stress and anxiety .

For example

, recently in my city, a six-year-old boy fell down from the terrace because they were acting like his favourite superhero.

To conclude

, I believe that the government should ban aggressive

games

and parents should

also

intervene in their child's day-to-day activity whether it is related to

games

or any other.

In addition

, the authority should focus on other things as well like , education ,drugs and poverty for the development of the country and to stop crime in the nation.

Submitted by preetiaug25 on Sun Jul 28 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

You should ensure that your essay is clearly organized with each paragraph having a clear main idea. This will help increase the coherence and logical structure of your essay.

Task Achievement

Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. While you have provided examples, a bit more elaboration on each point would strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Maintain consistent punctuation and avoid unnecessary commas (e.g., 'To conclude ,'). Proper punctuation will enhance the readability of your essay.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction is effective and clearly states your viewpoint, preparing the reader for what to expect in the essay.

Task Achievement

You have included relevant examples which help to substantiate your points, such as the example from Delhi Times and the incident from your city.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However some say that young people can also take the lead of organisations or companies. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What can be done to solve this problem?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?