It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
In today’s society,
children
making mistakes is a common ethical. Some people believe that children
need to know the variances between right and wrong early on. While
others think giving punishment will change children
’s behaviors
. In Change the spelling
behaviours
this
essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with the statement and I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, giving proper guidance and advice will change kids’ mindsets. To illustrate this
, most children
grow up with parents in childhood, so parents are their first role models. Therefore
, they need to know how to behave in front of their children
. For example
, there was a report collected at a China university by students
almost 50% of children
said that their first role model was their mother or father.
Secondly
, hard punishments will give children
a low mindset. In brief, they feel uncomfortable in front of their friends or family members and it will push them to do bad activities again or else that guiltiness attempt them to do suicide.
On the other hand
, in schools’ teachers are struggling to handle more students
, so instead
of giving hard punishments giving education-based activities can control students
' behavior. For instance
, in Japan, when students
are doing any bad activity teachers provide hard mathematical questions. In these scenarios, it will increase their knowledge and they think twice before doing any bad activities.Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion. However, some points could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive response. Try to provide more specific examples and develop your arguments with greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points flow logically from one to the next. The transition between the points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from punishment to alternative methods of education could be more clearly outlined.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your key points and reinforces your opinion clearly. This will help in rounding off your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Review your sentence structures for better clarity and grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are a bit unclear or could be more efficiently structured to convey your thoughts.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You provide logical points and examples, like the report from the China university and the educational approach in Japan.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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