Some people say that education should be the responsible of the goverment but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provision of
education
Use synonyms
is a controversial topic worldwide.
This
Linking Words
author believes that the
government
Use synonyms
should be responsible for supplying
education
Use synonyms
to everyone owing to being able to set national standards and create better relationships rather than individuals
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to pay for their courses by themselves. There can be no doubt that
education
Use synonyms
is the responsibility of the authority.
To begin
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
is the
fundermental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
demand for every
Use synonyms
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
show examples
, which means that the
government
Use synonyms
should support these fields in order to provide high-quality living standards for their
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
have paid taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
they deserve to receive conveniences in life.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
should use
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
funding to provide free
education
Use synonyms
for all
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, to ensure providing
citizens
Use synonyms
with a better life
as well as
Linking Words
affect the
Change noun form
country’s
show examples
countrys’
Change noun form
country’s
show examples
economy, the
government
Use synonyms
should guarantee free
education
Use synonyms
for all.
However
Linking Words
, it is easy to understand that some
people
Use synonyms
think
education
Use synonyms
is the responsibility of
people
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
the fact that the
government
Use synonyms
do not have enough budget to support
education
Use synonyms
. To illustrate , the
government
Use synonyms
have many issues which need to be solved, they have to be responsible for funding namely, environmental issues, agriculture and space projects.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
should support themselves to pay for
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
may be true but the
government
Use synonyms
should have suitable
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
to balance between
citizens
Use synonyms
and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
provide free
education
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
can create good relationships between the
government
Use synonyms
and their
citizens
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is because
citizens
Use synonyms
think that the
government
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
takes
show examples
them seriously and
consider
Correct subject-verb agreement
considers
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the living quality in the country.
As a result
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
will feel more belonging to their
government
Use synonyms
. To summarize, I totally believe the
government
Use synonyms
should be responsible for
education
Use synonyms
because
this
Linking Words
service is
fundermental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
requires
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
for
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
step will reflect the national standard
as well as
Linking Words
boost the relationship between
citizens
Use synonyms
and their
government
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which is good. However, it could be more concise and focused. Consider simplifying and tightening it up a bit.
task achievement
While your essay addresses both views and presents a strong opinion, try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples make your points more relatable and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay could be improved. While your points are generally well-organized, some paragraphs jump between ideas. Make sure each paragraph stays on point and transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay use informal language or awkward phrases. Review your essay for formal academic tone and grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easier to follow and understand. Good job!
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which is essential for Task Response in IELTS.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: