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Band 7

Some people think that education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #responsibility #government #individuals
Whether the burden of education belongs to the government or personal duties is still a highly debatable discussion point.
This
 writer contends that one takes the responsibility of edification owing to the vitality of autodidacticism and passion. Perhaps self-study is less crucial in
this
 digital age.
Due to
 the development of AI technologies, many of us who rely on these advantages have forgotten that the purpose of
this
 advance is not for humans to resort to totally.
This
 directly leads to a life of pleasure, and day by day, people cease to think of their efforts as salient in every aspect of life, generally,
as well as
 learning
in particular
.
According to
 a survey, self-learning is in keeping with today's value system in France and most Western countries, as it promotes the value of autonomy, which is one of the few ideological shelters. Granted that autonomous learning is one of the principal methods of maintaining a developed country.
While
 there is a minor group of critics who oppose
this
, they believe the critical solution is owned by the authorities. Unless the government invests in tutoring, the country will be poor and backward.
While
 it may have some credibility, even if ministry investment was considerable, it would be in vain because the populace themselves do not seize the opportunity.
This
 writer
also
 advocates the statement because of their passion for enlightenment. Even if someone does not have all the means, no matter what it is, they can accomplish everything with enthusiasm. With a fervent dedication to learning, any obstacle can be overcome and any goal achieved. In essence, proponents, including
this
 author, approve of the fact that individuality plays a dominant part in erudition.
This
 essay has been written to prove that the opposite side is not a thorough matter.
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement to directly address the prompt and outline your arguments.
task achievement
The essay would be more compelling if you provided more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. The transition between your ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
A stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion would help to round out the essay more effectively.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have managed to organize your essay logically, making it relatively easy to follow your main arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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