IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university #itadvantages
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Nowadays, starting an occupation
on
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at
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 the
accurate
Correct word choice
appropriate
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time
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 is one of the most significant issues among the youth; there is a group who opines that mature students ought to have a temporary job during their education period in schools and colleges. Taking
such
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action
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 will bear some drawbacks and positive
points
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, all of which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Pupils can benefit from working and
studding
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studying
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 at the same
time
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; they will be made skilled
one
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ones
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 for their future jobs.
For instance
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, when one tries to utilize effectively their free
time
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 by occupying
in
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apply
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a particular career, they will learn novel skills
along
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in
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 their study subjects;
this
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 issue will assist them to become more expert
ones
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apply
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in comparison to their counterparts who just spend their
time
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for
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apply
show examples
studding
Correct your spelling
studying
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.
Additionally
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, they will be offered more job positions with high incomes, when they want to embark on a permanent career after their
graduations
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graduation
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.
Furthermore
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, the opportunity for climbing to
the
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a
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 specific career will be more accessible for
people
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 who start to work in their teens rather than ones who do not. Taking
such
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action
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,
in contrast
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, can bear some disadvantageous
points
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 for
people
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, the drawbacks which can irreparably affect their lives. Losing advanced study positions, being unconscious
on
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of
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 lessons and not having sufficient
time
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 for resting can
be count
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be counted
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 as
this
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action
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's negative
points
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.
For example
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, if individuals
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 an attempt to earn money in their free
time
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, they will not only be able
spend
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to spend
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 adequate
time
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for
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apply
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conducting professional
researches
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research
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 and learning accurately, but
also
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 they will not be successful
to achieve
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in achieving
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 proper
points
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 in their lectures, the
action
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 which can deprive them from having higher educations.
Besides
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, working during educational years can have detrimental effects on
people
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's physical and psychological health
due to
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 not having enough
time
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 for resting and some
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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. In conclusion, there is a perspective which expresses that young
people
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 should work even for a short
time
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 within their educational period.
This
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 issue has some advantages
such
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 as
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 a skilled person for their future lives,
while
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 it can bear some negative
points
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 like losing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 position
of
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in
show examples
 higher education.
Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical and typographical errors, such as 'advantages' instead of 'itadvantages' and 'studding' instead of 'studying'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a logical flow throughout the essay. Some ideas in your essay feel a bit disconnected.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the essay and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
complete response
The essay addresses the task comprehensively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of working between school and university.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year: A year taken off between school and university to work or travel.
  • real-world skills: Practical abilities gained through actual experience rather than academic study.
  • financial burdens: The financial pressures or difficulties one might face.
  • career goals: Objectives or aspirations related to one's professional path.
  • strengths and weaknesses: Positive and negative attributes or abilities.
  • maturity: The state of being fully developed in one's personality or emotional capabilities.
  • responsibility: The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or oversee someone.
  • communication skills: The ability to convey or share ideas and feelings effectively.
  • time management: The ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • organizational skills: The ability to plan and arrange activities or tasks systematically.
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