In many countries, children do not do physical exercises as much as before and the tend to become more and more overweight. What are the reasons and solutions of this.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Today,

children

Use synonyms

do not work out regularly

exercises

Verb problem

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

they are becoming fat. In

this

Linking Words

essay, l will attempt to shed on the

causations

Replace the word

causes

show examples

this

Linking Words

trend and will propose some rational outcomes it gives rise to. Undeniably, there are two obvious reasons why

children

Use synonyms

are addicted to

play

Change the verb form

playing

show examples

video games. First of all,

parents

Use synonyms

give them their phones and kids are not able to know

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

what they are

played

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

watched

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

Then

Linking Words

they coach potato games all day long.

As a result

Linking Words

, increased screen

time

Use synonyms

has significantly contributed to the reduction in physical activity among

children

Use synonyms

. With more

time

Use synonyms

spent on smartphones, tablets, and video games,

children

Use synonyms

are less likely to engage in outdoor activities.

Besides

Linking Words

that, health-wise

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

their eyes have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

pain and

this

Linking Words

influence

severe

Add a missing verb

is severe

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, safety

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

an important role in their

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

. For

examples

Fix the agreement mistake

example

show examples

, urbanization and the reduction of safe play areas have limited the opportunities for

children

Use synonyms

to engage in physical activities. Many

children

Use synonyms

live in

environment

Fix the agreement mistake

environments

show examples

where there is little to explore nature. Cities have

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

facilities which are parks,

playground

Fix the agreement mistake

playgrounds

show examples

fooball

Correct your spelling

football

pitches and zoos. It is

also

Linking Words

worth mentioning that

children

Use synonyms

want to

care

Wrong verb form

be cared

show examples

that

Change preposition

for that

show examples

parents

Use synonyms

often be hectic and they have not

any

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

option

care

Fix the infinitive

to care

show examples

them

Change preposition

for them

show examples

. Oversights

maybe

Correct your spelling

may

show examples

contribite

Correct your spelling

contribute

to them, because

children

Use synonyms

's eating

habitits shoud

Correct your spelling

habits should

be under control. If

parents

Use synonyms

are not control

Change the verb form

do not control

show examples

their eating habits,

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

will commence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

consuming junk food.

However

Linking Words

, negative outcomes from

this

Linking Words

trend may result. First and foremost

parents

Use synonyms

should not allow

use

Add an article

the use

show examples

of devices. They have just utilized effectively

fom

Correct your spelling

from

for

electronic gadgets.

For instance

Linking Words

, download e-books or subscribe

online

Change preposition

to online

show examples

language

cources

Correct your spelling

courses

for

children

Use synonyms

. Particularly, nowadays, gadgets are updated and devices are created compatible

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

children

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

directing

Wrong verb form

directed

show examples

toward education. These are provided by security and auto-

time

Use synonyms

can limit long-term

screen

Replace the word

screening

show examples

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, governments should be

provoded

Correct your spelling

provided

with safe spaces and organize more entertainment places for kids. For

principal

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

example,

playground

Fix the agreement mistake

playgrounds

show examples

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

areas and parks which these attracting

children

Use synonyms

from their phones. Maybe,

parents

Use synonyms

aee

Correct your spelling

are

likely to have free

time

Use synonyms

to spend within security places. There is nothing better than having a good

time

Use synonyms

. In a nutshell,

however

Linking Words

theatening

Correct your spelling

threatening

the problems are and

unavoidaple

Correct your spelling

unavoidable

the reasons are, they can be resolved or, at least, lessened by taking all the necessary steps to mitigate the issues.

ShaxnozaSun Jul 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Your essay addresses the topic and provides both reasons and solutions for the issue. However, the response could be further developed with more detailed explanations and concrete examples for each point made.

Task Response

Try to ensure that your ideas are clearly stated and easy to follow. There were a few sentences where your meaning was not entirely clear, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a more logical and clear structure. For instance, try to group related points together in paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Coherence and Cohesion

Strive to make your introduction and conclusion more connected to the main body of your essay. This will make the overall piece feel more cohesive and help the reader understand your main points better.

Task Response

Support your main points with more specific and relevant examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a logical flow and attempts to address both the reasons behind the problem and the potential solutions.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

Task Response

You made an effort to discuss both sides of the issue, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

381 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
screen time
urbanization
recreational facilities
processed foods
extracurricular sports
physical education
active lifestyle
nutritional value
policy changes
walkable cities
public health campaigns
nutritional education
fast food consumption
unhealthy eating habits

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion
It is often argued that it is more advantageousto choose a living in the cities more healthy , even if it doesn't appeal to you at all.I completely disagree with this opinion and thiliving in village is much more healthy than another cities.
6.5
band
One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. In your letter: • say well you know your friend • describe the qualification and experience that your friend has • explain why your friend would be suitable for this job.
I am writing to formally recommend my friend, Brown, for the position of sports trainer at your summer school camp. I have known Brown for several years and can attest to his passion for teaching sports skills to children. He possesses excellent interpersonal skills and can easily connect with students.
6.5
band
In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
The persistent issue of inadequate food availability continues to afflict populations worldwide, prompting an exploration of its root causes and potential solutions. This essay examines the multifaceted causes behind the problem and proposes comprehensive strategies to tackle it.
5.5
band
The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
The highest puprose of businesses is profit without possessing social responsibilities. I strongly dissagree with this statement and, i think that social responsibilities have to be considered.
4.5
band
Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing enviromental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Investing money in tackling environmental and housing problems or preventing illnesses and diseases is a highly debate subject. This writer believes that investing money in environment is more beneficial due to its profit and maintenance.

In many countries, children do not do physical exercises as much as before and the tend to become more and more overweight. What are the reasons and solutions of this.

Word Count

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion

In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing enviromental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?