In many countries, children do not do physical exercises as much as before and the tend to become more and more overweight. What are the reasons and solutions of this.
Today,
children
do not work out regularly exercises
Verb problem
apply
that
they are becoming fat. In Correct word choice
and
this
essay, l will attempt to shed on the causations
of Replace the word
causes
this
trend and will propose some rational outcomes it gives rise to.
Undeniably, there are two obvious reasons why children
are addicted to play
video games. First of all, Change the verb form
playing
parents
give them their phones and kids are not able to know about
what they are Change preposition
apply
played
or Wrong verb form
playing
watched
. Wrong verb form
watching
Then
they coach potato games all day long. As a result
, increased screen time
has significantly contributed to the reduction in physical activity among children
. With more time
spent on smartphones, tablets, and video games, children
are less likely to engage in outdoor activities. Besides
that, health-wise that
their eyes have Correct word choice
apply
a
pain and Remove the article
apply
this
influence severe
. Add a missing verb
is severe
Moreover
, safety play
an important role in their Change the verb form
plays
lifes
. For Correct your spelling
lives
examples
, urbanization and the reduction of safe play areas have limited the opportunities for Fix the agreement mistake
example
children
to engage in physical activities. Many children
live in environment
where there is little to explore nature. Cities have Fix the agreement mistake
environments
not
facilities which are parks, Correct your spelling
no
playground
, Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
fooball
pitches and zoos. It is Correct your spelling
football
also
worth mentioning that children
want to care
Wrong verb form
be cared
that
Change preposition
for that
parents
often be hectic and they have not any
option Correct determiner usage
the
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
them
. Oversights Change preposition
for them
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
contribite
to them, because Correct your spelling
contribute
children
's eating habitits shoud
be under control. If Correct your spelling
habits should
parents
are not control
their eating habits, Change the verb form
do not control
childrens
will commence Correct your spelling
children
to
consuming junk food.
Change preposition
apply
However
, negative outcomes from this
trend may result. First and foremost parents
should not allow use
of devices. They have just utilized effectively Add an article
the use
fom
electronic gadgets. Correct your spelling
from
for
For instance
, download e-books or subscribe online
language Change preposition
to online
cources
for Correct your spelling
courses
children
. Particularly, nowadays, gadgets are updated and devices are created compatible for
Change preposition
with
children
, such
as directing
toward education. These are provided by security and auto-Wrong verb form
directed
time
can limit long-term screen
. Replace the word
screening
Nevertheless
, governments should be provoded
with safe spaces and organize more entertainment places for kids. For Correct your spelling
provided
principal
example,Correct word choice
apply
playground
, Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
sport
areas and parks which these attracting Change the noun form
sports
children
from their phones. Maybe, parents
aee
likely to have free Correct your spelling
are
time
to spend within security places. There is nothing better than having a good time
.
In a nutshell,however
theatening
the problems are and Correct your spelling
threatening
unavoidaple
the reasons are, they can be resolved or, at least, lessened by taking all the necessary steps to mitigate the issues.Correct your spelling
unavoidable
Submitted by Shaxnoza on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic and provides both reasons and solutions for the issue. However, the response could be further developed with more detailed explanations and concrete examples for each point made.
Task Response
Try to ensure that your ideas are clearly stated and easy to follow. There were a few sentences where your meaning was not entirely clear, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more logical and clear structure. For instance, try to group related points together in paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive to make your introduction and conclusion more connected to the main body of your essay. This will make the overall piece feel more cohesive and help the reader understand your main points better.
Task Response
Support your main points with more specific and relevant examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and attempts to address both the reasons behind the problem and the potential solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
Task Response
You made an effort to discuss both sides of the issue, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.