The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period

The line graph

provide

Change the verb form

provides

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some information on the number of people who take

Correct article usage

apply

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part in some activities Including Film club,Martial arts,Amateur dramatics,Table tennis and Musical performance In Australia from 2000 to 2020.

According to

the graph,

Film

Correct article usage

the Film

show examples

club was always at the top rank,

while

Table tennis started at third but Experienced huge growth by 2020 On one hand,Amateur dramatics saw

huge

Add an article

a huge

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drop by 2020 In terms of the two activities with the highest level at the start, film club and martial arts activity stood at approximately 65 and 35 people, respectively.

Then

, the former hit a trough at just above 60 and the latter reached a peak at just below 40 in 2010. From

this

point onwards, both fluctuated and went back to their original level in the final year. Regarding the remaining types of activities with lower levels, Amateur dramatics started at 18 persons

Keep

Verb problem

This

show examples

this

trend

Capitalize word

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2010 suddenly took over from Martial arts and reached 50 persons

Additionally

, musical performances emerged in 2005 with 0 attendees and rose gradually until the end of the period.

Submitted by roozbehkh88 on Sun Jul 28 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

10 paragraphs

178 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

participants
social centre
comparison
trends
consistently popular
gained popularity
lost popularity
community interest
availability of facilities
social factors
economic factors
external events
economic downturns
health crises
demographic changes
aging population
marketing
community outreach programs
participation rates
Melbourne

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Although there is a lot of software available today that can translate from one language to another, it is still necessary for people to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the internet. To what extent the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.