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Band 4.5

Today parents spend less free time with their children. Who are more affected?

#parents #time #children
The lack of family quality time has a more significant impact on children than their parents. Minors rely on their parents for emotional support, guidance, and role-modelling, and mothers and fathers play a crucial role in developing their children’s self-esteem and a sense of belonging. Unlike juveniles, adults are more equipped to handle stress, disconnection and guilt for not accompanying their loved ones.
However
, these emotions can cause a child to feel neglected, confused, and hurt, which could to a host of negative outcomes
such
 as poor academic performance, behavioural problems, and mental health issues.
While
 both parents and children may be affected by devoting less time together, the latter category is more vulnerable.
Submitted by banhbao0565 on

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coherence cohesion
A more clearly defined paragraph structure would enhance readability and the logical flow of your essay. Consider separating the ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear transitions.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, adding specific examples or evidence to support your points would strengthen your argument. This would make your essay more compelling and better demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task, focusing on the impact of parents spending less free time with their children.
coherence cohesion
You have articulated your ideas in a coherent manner, ensuring that your points are logically developed and connected.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental involvement
  • Work-life balance
  • Screen time
  • Societal norms
  • Neglect
  • Guilt
  • Milestones
  • Family bonding
  • Quality time
  • Effective parenting
  • Familial connections
  • Dedicated family time
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