IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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There is no doubt that today a large number of people across the world are facing
famine
 despite the developments in the agriculture sector . There are a number of causes of
this
 but certain measures could be taken to alleviate
this
 problem.In
this
 essay , I will elaborate on the causes as well as the possible solutions to
this
 issue . There are several reasons for
this
 situation. One of the most significant obstacles
that is
 why nowadays population across the world is facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
acute
food
 insecurity is climate change . Different weathers
such
 as droughts , floods and storms greatly affect crops . If the production of crops decreases,
then
 the supply of
food
 to society
also
 reduces which results in
famine
 .
For instance
, Nepal is facing a prolonged flood that contributes to
famine
 .
Due to
famine
 , most of the peasants of Nepal remain hungry . Another contributing factor is conflicts . Mostly the wars disrupt the agricultural fields .
For example
 , millions of people in Japan, even today remain hungry
due to
 the lack of
food
 caused by
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Hiroshima and Nagasaki
due to
atomic
Correct article usage
the atomic
show examples
 blast by the USA . Various possible actions could be taken to tackle the above .
Firstly
 , the governments should produce hybrid seeds that could easily grow in every condition
also
 without fertilizers .
Secondly
 , enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international cooperation among the states is
also
 crucial for
food
 security because
due to
this
 fields remain secure. In conclusion, there is a vast oversimplification of
this
 issue . People remain hungry
due to
 climate change and conflicts . Governments should work on these concerns for the prevention of
famine
 .
This
 could be hard for states but I think that the hard way is sometimes the best way
Submitted by mianraza686 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents relevant points, but the explanation can be more thorough and specific. Details and descriptions can be expanded for clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
There should be more explicit linkages between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Additionally, try to avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph aligns clearly with the thesis.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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