Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news event. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantage?
In
this
modern era, the development of social media
has been controversial regarding the pros and cons of such
technologies for individuals. While
the invention of the internet brought a phenomenal benefit to humankind, others believe that its drawbacks are ineluctable.
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Initially
, media
platforms have played a critical role in our social lives in recent years. Some of us move abroad or to another city for living
. Change preposition
to live
Therefore
, social networks enabled
us to keep in contact with family and friends at Wrong verb form
enable
a
touch of a button. To illustrate, many students studying in foreign countries are able to stay connected with their families through FaceTime or Skype. Correct article usage
the
Additionally
, the internet also
simplified
studying, teaching, and meeting. Wrong verb form
simplifies
Due to
the overuse of social applications, online education and performing the job are now accessible. For instance
, many universities offer online courses, and other schools provide online classes through apps like Classroom.
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On the downside, a concerning issue that such
websites activate is diminishing the need for face-to-face interactions. The excessive dependency on clicking buttons to talk to somebody will have an impact on communication skills. To be more clear, if a family member has an occasion, most of the younger generation will just upload a post or send a message instead
of attending and making memories. Furthermore
, the pessimistic effect of internet use on mental health is a serious matter. especially for youngsters. For example
, scientific research has proven that such
applications could increase anxiety and depression via the immoderate use of social media
.
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In conclusion, although
networking websites can facilitate contact with people and provide a digital library for learning, it
can Correct pronoun usage
they
makes
us lose our ability to meet other people and harm our mental health. I believe that the advantages of the Change the verb form
make
media
outweigh the disadvantages, but taking the disadvantages into considerationSubmitted by Ayreen🍒
on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and includes a conclusion. However, the conclusion could be stronger with a more definitive opinion. Consider clearly stating your stance, such as: 'I believe that the advantages of social media, such as maintaining relationships and facilitating online education, significantly outweigh the disadvantages.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and easy to follow. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea; however, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better coherence. For instance, use linking phrases like 'On the other hand' more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant examples to support your points. Yet, try to incorporate a wider variety of examples. Include different perspectives, such as professional benefits of social media for networking or information dissemination during emergencies, to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While your points are comprehensive, some ideas require clearer expression. For example, clarify what you mean by 'overuse of social applications' and how exactly this leads to online education and work opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer introduction and conclusion; both are present but could be more explicitly defined. Summarize your main points in the conclusion concisely and ensure your introduction effectively introduces the key points of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages of social media, demonstrating a considered viewpoint.
task achievement
You effectively use examples like FaceTime and Skype to illustrate your points, which makes the essay relatable and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has a logical flow, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea, making your argument easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?