Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument whether youngsters should be active in voluntary actions in their leisure time. So both
juvenile
and societies could take Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
from
Change preposition
of
this
practice. I am in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
this
theory and I will discuss the reasons as
below.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with, contribution in
social activities could have Change preposition
to
positive
impact on Add an article
a positive
level
of self-confidence of youth. In Add an article
the level
other word
when teenagers see how impactful they could be in the community, they Change the wording
another word
other words
would
Verb problem
are
satisfy
Wrong verb form
be satisfied
from
themselves and their moods Change preposition
with
would be
elevated. Indeed being active in Wrong verb form
are
environmental
friendly and humanitarian actions not only Change the adjective
environmentally
empower
their sense of social responsibility but Correct subject-verb agreement
empowers
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
will encourage
them to use their resources more efficiently. Greta Thunberg is a good example of an Wrong verb form
encourages
adolescence
who takes positive steps in awareness of people regarding Replace the word
adolescent
ecosystem friendly
actions.
To continue with, Youngsters’ social activities have Add a hyphen
ecosystem-friendly
positive
impact on Add an article
a positive
the
society as well. To illustrate more, Correct article usage
apply
community
could save some budgets when teenagers undertake different tasks , Add an article
the community
a community
therefore
it could spend this
saving money on development
of necessary infrastructures Add an article
the development
such
as education or health system
. Fix the agreement mistake
systems
Moreover
definitely healthy responsible young adults as the most valuable resource of each country could guarantee Add a comma
Moreover,
it’s
success and prosperity in the future time. Correct your spelling
its
For instance
Canada
government encourage teenagers to fill their extra time with voluntary Replace the word
Canadian
works
in different fields so Fix the agreement mistake
work
in
the future they have some basic experience in those fields which could be beneficial for both individuals and society.
In a nutshell, considering social responsibility for juveniles , could not only Correct word choice
that in
could
empower their self-esteem Remove a modal verb
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
could
help Verb problem
apply
the
society to save Correct article usage
apply
the
resources and guarantee Correct article usage
apply
it’s
triumph in the future.Correct your spelling
its
Submitted by zohmoz93 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
The introduction effectively introduces the topic but could be more engaging. Refrain from using repetitive structures like 'I will discuss the reasons as below.'
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a good logical flow, but transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to make the connections between ideas clearer.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, some points can be elaborated more comprehensively. Focus on developing each argument with more supporting details and clearer explanations.
Language Accuracy
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases like 'Indeed being active in environmental friendly.' Proofreading can help catch these issues.
Language Accuracy
Make sure to use capital letters correctly; for example, 'Canada government' should be 'Canadian government.'
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides relevant examples to support the main points, particularly in the second body paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence.
Language Use
The essay includes some good vocabulary and sentence structures, which helps in delivering ideas effectively.