IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an argument whether youngsters should be active in voluntary actions in their leisure time. So both
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 and societies could take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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from
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 practice. I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of
this
Linking Words
 theory and I will discuss the reasons
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, contribution
in
Change preposition
to
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 social activities could have
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 impact on
level
Add an article
the level
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 of self-confidence of youth. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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 when teenagers see how impactful they could be in the community, they
would
Verb problem
are
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satisfy
Wrong verb form
be satisfied
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from
Change preposition
with
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 themselves and their moods
would be
Wrong verb form
are
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 elevated. Indeed being active in
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
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 friendly and humanitarian actions not only
empower
Correct subject-verb agreement
empowers
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 their sense of social responsibility but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will encourage
Wrong verb form
encourages
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 them to use their resources more efficiently. Greta Thunberg is a good example of an
adolescence
Replace the word
adolescent
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 who takes positive steps in awareness of people regarding
ecosystem friendly
Add a hyphen
ecosystem-friendly
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 actions. To continue with, Youngsters’ social activities have
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as well. To illustrate more,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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 could save some budgets when teenagers undertake different tasks ,
therefore
Linking Words
 it could spend
this
Linking Words
 saving money on
development
Add an article
the development
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 of necessary infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as education or health
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 definitely healthy responsible young adults as the most valuable resource of each country could guarantee
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 success and prosperity in the future time.
For instance
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Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
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 government encourage teenagers to fill their extra time with voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in different fields so
in
Correct word choice
that in
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 the future they have some basic experience in those fields which could be beneficial for both individuals and society. In a nutshell, considering social responsibility for juveniles , could not only
could
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
empower their self-esteem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources and guarantee
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 triumph in the future.

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Task Response
The introduction effectively introduces the topic but could be more engaging. Refrain from using repetitive structures like 'I will discuss the reasons as below.'
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a good logical flow, but transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to make the connections between ideas clearer.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, some points can be elaborated more comprehensively. Focus on developing each argument with more supporting details and clearer explanations.
Language Accuracy
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases like 'Indeed being active in environmental friendly.' Proofreading can help catch these issues.
Language Accuracy
Make sure to use capital letters correctly; for example, 'Canada government' should be 'Canadian government.'
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides relevant examples to support the main points, particularly in the second body paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence.
Language Use
The essay includes some good vocabulary and sentence structures, which helps in delivering ideas effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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