Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree
There is an argument whether most of the
country
budget should be allocated to the expansion of public Change noun form
country's
transportation
or should be directed to improving some infrastructures such
as roads
. From my point of view investing on
the foundations is more beneficial for Change preposition
in
the
society.
To commence with, funding Correct article usage
apply
on
transport infrastructures could lead to the development of road situation and Change preposition
for
increasing
the number of highways, Wrong verb form
increase
consequently
it could decrease traffic and save time and fuel. Add a comma
consequently,
In other words
, poorly
maintenance of Change the word
poor
roads
could damage vehicles and waste fuel. Also
stucking
in traffic could have Verb problem
being stuck
negative
impact on Add an article
a negative
mental
health of drivers and Add an article
the mental
also
could Rephrase
apply
make
disturbance in Verb problem
cause
delivery
and Correct article usage
the delivery
transportation
system .For
instance
many time we Add a comma
instance,
are
witness Unnecessary verb
apply
that
some ambulances Correct word choice
apply
are
waiting Unnecessary verb
apply
to
other vehicles to give them Change preposition
for
road
in heavy traffics Correct article usage
a road
specially
in rush hour. Replace the word
especially
Also
some surveys reveal more than 20% of the time Add a comma
Also,
of
people could waste in their daily commuting
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, the advantages of public transport are undeniable. Improving public transportation
not only could have positive
impact on Add an article
a positive
level
of traffic Add an article
the level
in
the main Change preposition
on
roads
in metropolises , but also
it could reduce air pollution. Needless to mention
it could preserve our energy resources. To illustrate more Tehran subway transfers Verb problem
say
near
3 Change the word
nearly
millions
passengers in a day. Change to singular
million
This
number portraits
the significance of public Replace the word
portrays
transportation
in the big cities.
In a nutshell, although
nobody can neglect the advantages of developing public transportation
, spending on some country fundamentals such
as building highways and roads
could have more benefits in the long term for the country.Submitted by zohmoz93 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph elaborates clearly on a single idea. For example, the discussion on the benefits of public transport could be more detailed for better comprehension.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and provide specific evidence and examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Revise the essay to correct minor grammatical and lexical errors to improve clarity and readability. For instance, phrases like 'funding on transport infrastructures' should be revised to 'funding transport infrastructure.'
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and discusses both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
The use of relevant statistics, such as the example of Tehran subway, helps in emphasizing your points.
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