IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

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It is a considerable amount of individuals assert that violence is spreading because of certain types of games like wrestling, boxing, and martial arts, which are shown on television and
other
Change preposition
in other
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 international competitions regularly. In my opinion, these events have a positive impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives as they try these strategies in difficult situations.I utterly disagree
to halt
Change preposition
with halting
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 these kinds of
TV's
Change noun form
TV
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
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 as they make
Use synonyms
people's
Change noun form
people
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 independent and stronger to face certain kinds of difficult
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 continuing wrestling on television
as well as
Linking Words
 international level competition is to boost not only the economic level of a specific country but
also
Linking Words
 offer a chance to a player to stay physically fit and mentally active.
For example
Linking Words
, World Wrestling Entertainment is an American federation
offers
Correct pronoun usage
that offers
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 a
plateform
Correct your spelling
platform
 to wrestler to reveal their hidden talent in the front of
whole
Change the article
the whole
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 world and to become a champion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in recent years, youngsters
get
Wrong verb form
have been
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 affected and
devote
Wrong verb form
have devoted
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 their lives to the gymnasium to make themselves as
wreslter
Correct your spelling
wrestler
wrestlers
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they earn more a name and wealth than expected by choosing
this
Linking Words
 profession as their career.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Boxing and martial arts play a significant role in the lives of
people
Use synonyms
, especially women. Women
as well as
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 young girls can learn techniques to make themselves as resilient and stronger and protect them from tragic events.
For instance
Linking Words
, Females are moving to other countries alone either for study or for business as they know how to protect themselves from a harsh situation and molestation.
As a result
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, They feel safe and secure because of
such
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 kinds of games. In Conclusion, I fully agree with advertisements of these sports on television
as well as
Linking Words
 other platforms as these sports not only provide an opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
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 players to nourish their careers by participating in various competitions and earn bread and butter but
also
Linking Words
 provide the knowledge to
people
Use synonyms
 to protect themselves in any worse time
such
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 as assault.

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and presents an argument against banning violent sports. However, the argument could be clearer. Expand on how exactly these sports make people stronger and independent. Include more specific examples or studies to support the claims.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use transitional phrases to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete structure.
task response
The essay uses specific examples, such as the World Wrestling Entertainment and the impact of martial arts on women's safety, to support its points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • combat sports
  • glorification of violence
  • impressionable audiences
  • cultural heritage
  • self-discipline
  • sportsmanship
  • media portrayal
  • regulatory measures
  • censorship
  • psychological impact
  • broadcasting regulations
  • watershed timing
  • advocates and opponents
  • ethical considerations
  • economic implications
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