Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
people
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
years
debate
Add a missing verb
have debate
show examples
over whether hard work and determination or
money
and
appearance
would help
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
more successful in life.
Although
some individuals consider that
money
and good
appearance
solve all issues about successful outcomes.I still opine being industrious and resoluteness are key
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
for success. It is undeniable that over the years ,a group of
people
disccuss
Correct your spelling
discussed
the power of
money
.They think that
money
is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
show examples
point for being more happy and successful in life.
Additionally
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
appearance
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
this
situation.It means,if you have enough
money
and good looking you can easily accept any job offers or you are able
to begin
any business field.In another case,others assume that success
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
from hard work and determination.They explain that if any member of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
goals and tries confidently without time scramming ,he or she can reach the goal.
However
many
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
of
people
,including me think that success is not measured by
money
and
appearance
,it is related to being engaged and
determination
Replace the word
determined
show examples
.Cause in present days,it can be said all fields need high literacy and professional attention.If you hard work,if you concentrate more
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
your activities ,it means you have personal aims and you want to realize those ones.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
it is not sufficient ,you should not give up. Personal features
forms
Change the verb form
form
show examples
our life.Acquiring achievement begins from
self -confident
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
show examples
and self-study.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
many businessmen for being lucky,have
avoid
Change the verb form
avoided
show examples
many difficulties,but not the force of
money
,
force
Add an article
the force
a force
show examples
of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
. In conclusion ,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
some
people
conclude monetary and individual image are satisfactory for being lucky,I summarize it is about working
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
and willingly.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and try to minimize minor errors. Simple grammar mistakes can make your essay less readable.
lexis
Use richer and more varied vocabulary to express your ideas. Synonyms and complex phrases can elevate your essay to higher levels.
task achievement
Provide concrete examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and help with achieving a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Include smooth transitions between paragraphs for better cohesion. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
The essay covers both views and gives a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logically organized, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The author's opinion is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!