Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
people
recent
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in recent
show examples
years
debate
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have debate
show examples
over whether hard work and determination or
money
and
appearance
would help
being
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to be
show examples
more successful in life.
Although
some individuals consider that
money
and good
appearance
solve all issues about successful outcomes.I still opine being industrious and resoluteness are key
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
for success. It is undeniable that over the years ,a group of
people
disccuss
Correct your spelling
discussed
the power of
money
.They think that
money
is
crucial
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a crucial
the crucial
show examples
point for being more happy and successful in life.
Additionally
,
good
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a good
show examples
appearance
also
help
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helps
show examples
this
situation.It means,if you have enough
money
and good looking you can easily accept any job offers or you are able
to begin
any business field.In another case,others assume that success
come
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comes
show examples
from hard work and determination.They explain that if any member of
public
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the public
show examples
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
goals and tries confidently without time scramming ,he or she can reach the goal.
However
many
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
of
people
,including me think that success is not measured by
money
and
appearance
,it is related to being engaged and
determination
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determined
show examples
.Cause in present days,it can be said all fields need high literacy and professional attention.If you hard work,if you concentrate more
over
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on
show examples
your activities ,it means you have personal aims and you want to realize those ones.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
it is not sufficient ,you should not give up. Personal features
forms
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form
show examples
our life.Acquiring achievement begins from
self -confident
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self-confidence
show examples
and self-study.
Also
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Also,
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many businessmen for being lucky,have
avoid
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avoided
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many difficulties,but not the force of
money
,
force
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the force
a force
show examples
of
brain
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the brain
show examples
. In conclusion ,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
some
people
conclude monetary and individual image are satisfactory for being lucky,I summarize it is about working
hardly
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hard
show examples
and willingly.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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grammar
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lexis
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task achievement
Provide concrete examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and help with achieving a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Include smooth transitions between paragraphs for better cohesion. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
The essay covers both views and gives a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logically organized, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The author's opinion is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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