Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
these days debate over whether improving your work quality or pretty
privilage
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privilege
and money will help you to get a better
life
.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
some
people
think that appearance and money play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
key role in your
life
I still opine that hard work and determination will be your ticket
for
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to
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success.
According to
some
people
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people,
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a
good looking
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good-looking
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face or your bank balance are the main factors for
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
life
. It is
asumed
Correct your spelling
assumed
by them that
people
who have even one of
theese
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these
two are
treared
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treated
better in society
therefore
theese
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these
people
are more likely to be confident and enjoy their
life
.
People
who
suite
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suit
show examples
beauty
standarts
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standards
tending
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
to
success
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succeed
show examples
in
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
high paid
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high-paid
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careers like
modeling
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modelling
show examples
, acting, music, etc.
In
addition
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addition,
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if you don't have to think about the cost of living you will get rid of numerous problems that others face daily.
However
, others, including me, believe that by working hard and improving your skills you can
easly achive
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easily achieve
the
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a
show examples
succesful
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successful
life
in terms of your personal preferences. A long list of careers
need
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needs
show examples
the ones who are ready to persevere. Determination as a personal trait is a road to
sucseed
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success
because at the very
end
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end,
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your
knowlege
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knowledge
is one of the only things that will be with you your entire
life
however
you can
easly
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easily
lose both
of
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apply
show examples
your beauty and wealth. In conclusion, considering the twists of fate , I will continue to believe that being able to rely on your
dtermination
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determination
no matter what will help you to enjoy your
life
fully.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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cohesion
Work on minimizing spelling and grammatical errors. This will help in improving the overall clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This can make your argument more compelling and relatable.
coherence
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and stick to the main idea discussed in each paragraph.
task achievement
Instead of general statements, try to include more detail about how hard work and determination lead to success.
introduction
Your introduction clearly presents both views and states your own opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your main argument.
logical structure
You’ve made a fair attempt to discuss both perspectives, which shows your ability to understand and analyze different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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