Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negetive development?
In these
days, there are numerous Change preposition
These
people
who are trying treatments and medicines
Fix the agreement mistake
medicine alternatives
alternative
rather than visit
the Wrong verb form
visiting
doctor
. In my opinion, it is negative
development which is dangerous and expensive.
Nowadays, plenty of Correct article usage
a negative
people
have higher trust to
Change preposition
in
alternative
medicine
since it is practice
. Wrong verb form
practised
Moreover
, they think that it will easy
to access and more effective Add a missing verb
be easy
to
their health problems. In Change preposition
for
the
fact, Correct article usage
apply
however
, the alternative
treatments is
dangerous than chemistry Verb problem
are more
subtances
. The research from Correct your spelling
substances
compass
, the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, said that 80% Capitalize word
Compass
alternative
Change preposition
of alternative
medicine
are unsafe for Fix the agreement mistake
medicines
people
. Furthermore
, it makes the
other Correct article usage
apply
diaseses
easily Correct your spelling
diseases
to
spread in Fix the infinitive
apply
body
. Add an article
the body
For example
, a man who has health problems in his chess, and guess
it is Correct subject-verb agreement
guesses
heart
attack. He Add an article
a heart
try
to drink herbal Change the verb form
tries
medicine
for
cure Change preposition
to
the
health. Unfortunately, after one month, Change the word
his
the
Change the word
their
his
her
healthy
Replace the word
health
become
Wrong verb form
became
worst
which make his family bring Correct word choice
worse
to
the Correct pronoun usage
him to
doctor
. Then
the doctor
said, there is
Wrong verb form
was
complication
in his body since he Add an article
a complication
makes
the wrong Wrong verb form
had taken
medicine
. If patient
Correct article usage
the patient
go
to Change the verb form
goes
check
Correct article usage
a check
up
, he will know Change preposition
apply
physical
condition which is accurate.
The second reason is Correct pronoun usage
his physical
alternative
medicine
more
expensive than chemistry Add a missing verb
is more
subtances
. It Correct your spelling
substances
happen
since Change the verb form
happens
alternative
medicines is
new in Indonesia. Change the verb form
are
For example
, to cure the headace
in Correct your spelling
headache
alternative
, Add an article
the alternative
people
must pay approximately 10 dollars, however
, the doctor
service only spend
8 dollars.
In my perspective, Change the verb form
spends
this
habbit
will bring negative development to the patient body.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
habit
alternative
treatments and medicines are dangerous which make
new diseases easily Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
to
spread, Fix the infinitive
apply
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
it is
expensive than chemistry Verb problem
they are more
subtances
.Correct your spelling
substances
Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on
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general
The essay provides a clear stance, but the main points and arguments need to be more clearly articulated and logically structured. Consider breaking down paragraphs to focus on individual points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and cohesion by using more linking devices and ensuring that paragraphs flow smoothly into one another.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and comprehensive examples and explanations to support the main points. This will strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear opinion on the topic, which is a positive aspect.
task achievement
Some relevant specific examples, such as the newspaper research and personal anecdote, effectively support the arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.