Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negetive development?

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In these
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These
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days, there are numerous
people
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who are trying treatments and
medicines
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medicine alternatives
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alternative
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rather than
visit
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visiting
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the
doctor
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. In my opinion, it is
negative
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a negative
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development which is dangerous and expensive. Nowadays, plenty of
people
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have higher trust
to
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in
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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since it is
practice
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practised
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.
Moreover
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, they think that it will
easy
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be easy
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to access and more effective
to
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for
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their health problems. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fact,
however
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, the
alternative
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treatments
is
Verb problem
are more
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dangerous than chemistry
subtances
Correct your spelling
substances
. The research from
compass
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Compass
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, the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, said that 80%
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alternative
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of alternative
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Use synonyms
medicine
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medicines
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are unsafe for
people
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.
Furthermore
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, it makes
the
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apply
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other
diaseses
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diseases
easily
to
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apply
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spread in
body
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the body
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a man who has health problems in his chess, and
guess
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guesses
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it is
heart
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a heart
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attack. He
try
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tries
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to drink herbal
medicine
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for
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to
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cure
the
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his
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health. Unfortunately, after one month,
the
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their
his
her
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healthy
Replace the word
health
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become
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became
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worst
Correct word choice
worse
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which make his family bring
to
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him to
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the
doctor
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.
Then
Linking Words
the
doctor
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said, there
is
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was
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complication
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a complication
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in his body since he
makes
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had taken
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the wrong
medicine
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. If
patient
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the patient
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go
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goes
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to
check
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a check
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up
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apply
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, he will know
physical
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his physical
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condition which is accurate. The second reason is
alternative
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medicine
Use synonyms
more
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is more
show examples
expensive than chemistry
subtances
Correct your spelling
substances
. It
happen
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happens
show examples
since
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
is
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are
show examples
new in Indonesia.
For example
Linking Words
, to cure the
headace
Correct your spelling
headache
in
Use synonyms
alternative
Add an article
the alternative
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,
people
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must pay approximately 10 dollars,
however
Linking Words
, the
doctor
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service only
spend
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spends
show examples
8 dollars. In my perspective,
this
Linking Words
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
will bring negative development to the patient body. In conclusion,
alternative
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treatments and medicines are dangerous which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
new diseases easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
spread,
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
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it is
Verb problem
they are more
show examples
expensive than chemistry
subtances
Correct your spelling
substances
.
Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on

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general
The essay provides a clear stance, but the main points and arguments need to be more clearly articulated and logically structured. Consider breaking down paragraphs to focus on individual points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and cohesion by using more linking devices and ensuring that paragraphs flow smoothly into one another.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and comprehensive examples and explanations to support the main points. This will strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear opinion on the topic, which is a positive aspect.
task achievement
Some relevant specific examples, such as the newspaper research and personal anecdote, effectively support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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