Some people feel that the media should not openly share the private lives of celebrities. Q- Some people feel that the media should not openly share the private lives of celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that the
media
should not publicly share the private lives of celebrities
. Nowadays, there are many fans that
really want to know what they do outside their job as a Correct pronoun usage
who
celebrity
, how their relationship with their family, what they do from morning until midnight, etc. Concisely, there is
no safe spaces for Change the verb form
are
celebrities
anymore. Personally, I agree with this
opinion. Because as
a basic manner, a Change preposition
in
celebrity
has their own privacy and the media
must appreciate it.
Indeed, celebrity
is someone that people can admire Correct article usage
a celebrity
on
because of their achievements or Change preposition
apply
anyelse
. But, just because they Correct your spelling
any else
are appear
on TV or social Change the verb form
appear
media
, it does not mean that people can searching
deeply about their private lives, like their family or even go to their house. Change the verb form
search
be searching
Also
, they can feel uncomfortable if the media
too much oversee them. For instance
, there is an actress in South Korea who decided to suicide due to
the media
too exposure them
. Change preposition
to them
By
Change preposition
Because of
this
, the fans know many
information about their idol and eventually bullied her.
Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, a celebrity
also
human and their job same as other jobs. The Add a missing verb
is also
media
would be better to respect the celebrities
. Since the impact can lead to deppresed
Correct your spelling
depressed
depress
of
the actresses or actors. Not only thatChange preposition
in
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the actresses and actors can not be themselves due to
the media
always supervise
their daily Wrong verb form
supervising
acitivites
which is not Correct your spelling
activities
appropiate
.
To Correct your spelling
appropriate
conlude
, Correct your spelling
conclude
media
should obey the rules to not openly all of Correct article usage
the media
information
about one Add an article
the information
celebrity
. Because if they are not, the worst case is depressed
or suicide of the Replace the word
depression
celebrities
itself
.Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on your main points to make your essay more substantial. Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that you develop your ideas fully, making sure your points are clear and comprehensive. Providing sufficient background information and examples would help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Add more transitional phrases and conjunctions to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly, ensuring each paragraph connects well to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and make your position on the topic evident.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides relevant points to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have a sensible structure with distinct paragraphs presenting different points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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