IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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Undeniably, shorter
work
Use synonyms
days
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 and longer
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weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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 may do harm to the economy as there are fewer hours for production, and
such
Linking Words
 a fact leads impressionable
people
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generate
Add the particle
to generate
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 the idea that workers should not have more
days
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 of
Use synonyms
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, as far as efficiency, feasibility and economy are concerned, I strongly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
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 the idea of adding more
days
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 to
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weekend
Add an article
the weekend
show examples
. First and foremost, having a longer
weekend
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 improves the efficiency of the workers. To be specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 today
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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enough rest and sleep because of the long working hours, which may affect their performance at
work
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 or even make them sick.
However
Linking Words
, if workers have a longer
weekend
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, they must have enough time to
have
Verb problem
get
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 a good sleep, or even go to watch a movie, which both help them ease their
mind
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minds
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a longer
weekend
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 can always make
people
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 full of passion at
work
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. Take the case of an experiment in a town in America, it was 10 years ago and the local government changed the
weekend
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 from two
days
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into
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to
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 three
days
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, the result was really astonishing. More than 80% of the factories in the town had experienced an increase in the speed of
producing
Replace the word
production
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, and the
GDP
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also
Linking Words
 climbed during the
3 month
Add a hyphen
3-month
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 period of extending the
weekend
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the survey, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 tend to go shopping as there
were
Wrong verb form
is
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 more time for them, and they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 always full of energy after the
weekend
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. Had it not been a longer
weekend
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, the town would never
gain
Wrong verb form
have gained
show examples
such
Linking Words
an
Remove the article
apply
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impressive growth.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, a voice arises that shortening the
week
Correct your spelling
weekdays
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days
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 may reduce the
GDP
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 and be harmful to the economy as
people
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work
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 less.
However
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to travel around if they get a longer
weekend
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, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 increase the
GDP
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. Since two
days
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 are too short for a trip, even a short one, most
people
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 choose to stay at home at the weekends,
however
Linking Words
, a three-day
weekend
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 is completely different, every time when there is a holiday rest that links with the
weekend
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, creating a three-day
weekend
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, many
people
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 will go vacations, which improves the
GDP
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 a lot
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of the cost of transportation, hotel and other things. In conclusion, lots of benefits can be seen on longer
Use synonyms
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
, and I believe many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will agree on
this
Linking Words
 too.
Submitted by RaymondHuang on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides a complete response. However, some points could be developed further for more depth and clarity. For instance, elaborating on how increased rest specifically translates into improved efficiency could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear and easy to follow. However, some transitions between points and paragraphs could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices (like 'Moreover' and 'Additionally') will help make your arguments flow better.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points discussed rather than just stating that many people will agree. A stronger conclusion would help solidify your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively introduce the topic and provide a clear stance in the introduction.
task achievement
Examples such as the case of the town in America add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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