The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?
Undeniably, shorter
work
days
and longer weekend
may do harm to the economy as there are fewer hours for production, and Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
such
a fact leads impressionable people
generate
the idea that workers should not have more Add the particle
to generate
days
of weekend
. Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
However
, as far as efficiency, feasibility and economy are concerned, I strongly agree
the idea of adding more Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
days
to weekend
.
First and foremost, having a longer Add an article
the weekend
weekend
improves the efficiency of the workers. To be specific, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
today are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
enough rest and sleep because of the long working hours, which may affect their performance at Change preposition
apply
work
or even make them sick. However
, if workers have a longer weekend
, they must have enough time to have
a good sleep, or even go to watch a movie, which both help them ease their Verb problem
get
mind
.
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Furthermore
, a longer weekend
can always make people
full of passion at work
. Take the case of an experiment in a town in America, it was 10 years ago and the local government changed the weekend
from two days
into
three Change preposition
to
days
, the result was really astonishing. More than 80% of the factories in the town had experienced an increase in the speed of producing
, and the Replace the word
production
GDP
also
climbed during the 3 month
period of extending the Add a hyphen
3-month
weekend
. According to
the survey, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
tend to go shopping as there were
more time for them, and they Wrong verb form
is
were
always full of energy after the Wrong verb form
are
weekend
. Had it not been a longer weekend
, the town would never gain
Wrong verb form
have gained
such
an
impressive growth.
Remove the article
apply
Last
but not least, a voice arises that shortening the week
Correct your spelling
weekdays
days
may reduce the GDP
and be harmful to the economy as people
work
less. However
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
tend to travel around if they get a longer weekend
, which help
increase the Change the verb form
helps
GDP
. Since two days
are too short for a trip, even a short one, most people
choose to stay at home at the weekends, however
, a three-day weekend
is completely different, every time when there is a holiday rest that links with the weekend
, creating a three-day weekend
, many people
will go vacations, which improves the GDP
a lot beacause
of the cost of transportation, hotel and other things.
In conclusion, lots of benefits can be seen on longer Correct your spelling
because
weekend
, and I believe many Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
of
Change preposition
apply
people
will agree on this
too.Submitted by RaymondHuang
on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides a complete response. However, some points could be developed further for more depth and clarity. For instance, elaborating on how increased rest specifically translates into improved efficiency could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear and easy to follow. However, some transitions between points and paragraphs could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices (like 'Moreover' and 'Additionally') will help make your arguments flow better.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points discussed rather than just stating that many people will agree. A stronger conclusion would help solidify your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively introduce the topic and provide a clear stance in the introduction.
task achievement
Examples such as the case of the town in America add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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