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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic What are the advantages and disadvantages for locals who visit such places?

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Tourists are the main reason for the development of tourism. In recent times, most travellers have been exploring different
places
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 like the Sahara desert or the Antarctic where the weather
is
Verb problem
has
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 a major impact on living.
In
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From
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 my perspective, there are more positive things when compared to negative impacts. Tourists are the most important factors that make a specific place to very famous place to visit. There are so many benefits in the development of tourism since
people
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 started to visit unrated
places
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 like
deserts
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, islands, cold
places
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 and mountains. The most obvious benefit is increasing in population
as well as
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 the economy in
places
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 like islands and
deserts
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 where most
people
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 face certain challenges to live their lives in a peaceful way.
Secondly
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, more younger travellers are motivated to visit these
places
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 to learn about their culture and the climatic conditions.
For instance
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, a recent survey shows that more than 20% of young adults are travelling to
deserts
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 and cold
places
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 to spend their vacation time.
On the other hand
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,
this
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also
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 has some disadvantages like some
people
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 have been visiting
places
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 which are more dangerous and losing their life in accidents.
For example
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, a couple of months back a famous YouTuber did a challenging video of him "surviving in a cold desert for two days without food" which made his followers do the same.
This
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 incident resulted in the death of five innocent
people
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. At the same time, it will be very difficult to find a hospital if we encounter an emergency situation. In Conclusion, tourists are often entertained by
places
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 like
deserts
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 and cold
places
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 where only a few are facing a medical emergency.
Therefore
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, I believe that there are more advantages when
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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compared to disadvantages.

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task achievement
Your essay is generally clear and addresses the task effectively. To improve, consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and that your ideas are well-organized. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay's introduction and conclusion are present, they can be further developed. The introduction should clearly outline what will be discussed, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and reinforce your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and addresses the task overall, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures effectively, which makes your essay more compelling.
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