Older generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behavior. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Elder
people
usually prefer to transmit what they have learnt from their family and culture while
they are raising their children. While
some people
believe this
is a good idea, many others think that these beliefs and traditions may negatively their offspring's lives. I totally agree with that, as trying to implement the previous thoughts
in their minds will have many drawbacks for them socially and educationally.
Firstly
, having traditional ideas when others are changing their past idea is not always a privilege, and it may lead you to be eliminated on many occasions in your social life. As many people
will be interested in your ideas, they will try to avoid talking to you either in school or at work. Moreover
, this
affects your life and forms many obstacles in your way of finding a job, a partner or even a friend that
will accept your beliefs. Correct pronoun usage
who
For example
, framers may find it hard to engage with the urban people
, as they still hold their ancestors' thoughts
which may not be understandable for people
who live in the city.
Secondly
, due to
the huge development that is
happening in the technology sector, people
should open their minds and change some of their old thoughts
to be able to thrive. We can not improve ourselves if we stick to the previous way of teaching, as people
now turning to choosing the subjects that they are good at rather than studying everything as in the past. Moreover
, the gap of differences between people
's minds will increase because some of them have the ability to explore while
some of their traditions will not let them do that. For example
, many parents will not let their children use a phone until a certain age while
this
may be good, it may lead them to be ignorant in the technical field.
To sum up
, whether many people
want to pass their traditions and thoughts
to the next generation, I believe that some of these beliefs may affect their improvement.Submitted by okalqusay on
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Grammar
Ensure consistent use of proper tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. For example, 'framers' should be 'farmers' and 'As many people will be interested in your ideas' should be 'As many people will not be interested in your ideas'.
Language and Style
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make the essay more engaging. For instance, 'Moreover, the gap of differences' could be rephrased as 'Additionally, the differences'.
Language and Style
Make sure to maintain a formal tone consistently. Phrases like 'whether many people want to pass their traditions' could be more formally expressed as 'while many people aim to pass down their traditions'.
Structure and Organization
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to good cohesion.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses the task, discussing both sides of the argument and explaining why the writer agrees with the statement.
Examples and Support
Effective use of relevant examples, like the farmers and urban people scenario, makes the argument more convincing.
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