Older generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behavior. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Elder
people
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usually prefer to transmit what they have learnt from their family and culture
while
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they are raising their children.
While
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some
people
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believe
this
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is a good idea, many others think that these beliefs and traditions may negatively their offspring's lives. I totally agree with that, as trying to implement the previous
thoughts
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in their minds will have many drawbacks for them socially and educationally.
Firstly
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, having traditional ideas when others are changing their past idea is not always a privilege, and it may lead you to be eliminated on many occasions in your social life. As many
people
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will be interested in your ideas, they will try to avoid talking to you either in school or at work.
Moreover
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,
this
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affects your life and forms many obstacles in your way of finding a job, a partner or even a friend
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
will accept your beliefs.
For example
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, framers may find it hard to engage with the urban
people
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, as they still hold their ancestors'
thoughts
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which may not be understandable for
people
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who live in the city.
Secondly
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,
due to
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the huge development
that is
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happening in the technology sector,
people
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should open their minds and change some of their old
thoughts
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to be able to thrive. We can not improve ourselves if we stick to the previous way of teaching, as
people
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now turning to choosing the subjects that they are good at rather than studying everything as in the past.
Moreover
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, the gap of differences between
people
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's minds will increase because some of them have the ability to explore
while
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some of their traditions will not let them do that.
For example
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, many parents will not let their children use a phone until a certain age
while
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this
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may be good, it may lead them to be ignorant in the technical field.
To sum up
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, whether many
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

want to pass their traditions and
thoughts
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to the next generation, I believe that some of these beliefs may affect their improvement.

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Grammar
Ensure consistent use of proper tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. For example, 'framers' should be 'farmers' and 'As many people will be interested in your ideas' should be 'As many people will not be interested in your ideas'.
Language and Style
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make the essay more engaging. For instance, 'Moreover, the gap of differences' could be rephrased as 'Additionally, the differences'.
Language and Style
Make sure to maintain a formal tone consistently. Phrases like 'whether many people want to pass their traditions' could be more formally expressed as 'while many people aim to pass down their traditions'.
Structure and Organization
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to good cohesion.
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses the task, discussing both sides of the argument and explaining why the writer agrees with the statement.
Examples and Support
Effective use of relevant examples, like the farmers and urban people scenario, makes the argument more convincing.
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