Governments should support care vs. finance for retired people, while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #support #care #finance #people #money

There is a debate about whether

retirees

should take responsibility for themselves to ensure their

retirement

instead

of relying on

government

support. In

this

essay, I will discuss both of these notions. In my

opinion

people

should combine the two methods together to ensure their

lives

after

retirement

. There are several reasons for those who believe that the

government

should take responsibility for

people

's retired

lives

Firstly

retirees

deserve recognition for dedicating their entire

lives

to work, contributing to a better society, and paying taxes to the

government

during their working years.

Hence

, they should get better care from the

government

when they get old.

Secondly

, the

government

must mandate the establishment of medical security and nursing facilities for its citizens. A developed country not only focuses on economic and technological development but

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

concerns

Wrong verb form

concerned

show examples

basic

Change preposition

with basic

show examples

life

security for all citizens; elderly care is one of them.

On the other hand

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

those individuals who hold the

opinion

that

people

should save money for their retired

lives

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

believe that it is

more safe

Correct word choice

safer

show examples

and reliable for

people

to ensure their quality of

life

People

should be aware of the importance of planning their

retirement

years

while

they are still young. Set aside a small portion of their salary for their

retirement

and invest in pension funds to secure their

retirement

Additionally

, nursing institutions and hospitals cannot provide the most comfortable

life

retirees

; most elderly

people

prefer to spend their

lives

with their families rather than go to old

people

's homes. In my

opinion

, relying solely on the

government

or individuals themselves is insufficient to ensure

people

retirement

;

instead

people

should combine both methods to ensure a better quality of

life

in their later years. The

government

can offer basic security,

such

as an annuity for

retirees

However

, the annuity can only cover a portion of their lifetime expenses. If

people

want to have a

better retired

Add a hyphen

better-retired

show examples

life

, they should arrange a

retirement

budget for their

lives

. In conclusion, whether pensioners rely on the

government

or take responsibility for themselves makes sense. In my

opinion

, using both

government

and individual pension plans would be better for

people

to arrange their

retired

Replace the word

retirement

show examples

lives

Submitted by duzirong on Mon Jul 29 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your paragraphs fully develop each point with sufficient examples.

coherence cohesion

Improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

Try to elaborate more on certain points to provide a more comprehensive discussion.

task achievement

Ensure that every argument is strongly supported with relevant examples and evidence.

task achievement

You have provided a balanced discussion by presenting both perspectives clearly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well-structured.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured with a clear progression of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

363 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Governments should support care vs. finance for retired people, while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Fresh water has become a global problem for the world. What are the causes of it? What measures government and individuals take to resolve to the problem? Give reasons and e.g for your answer.

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside, Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?