IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is no doubt that these days everybody is used to spending countless
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 in
frontal
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front
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 of audio screens. The
questions
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question
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 is, are televisions impactful in our
community
Use synonyms
? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss my view and draw my personal conclusion. In terms of advantages, TVs could make our life more enjoyable. The main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that lots of comedy and interesting programs like cartoons are displayed on these devices, Which makes us too engaged in
frontal
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front
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 of televisions. To illustrate, 94 Tom & Jerry cartoon is a very popular funny program shown on television.
In other words
Linking Words
, Lots of children get very happy when they see it. So, that’s why some
Use synonyms
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 think that
TV
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 set is not
such
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 a big problem.
However
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,
TV
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 has clear disadvantages for society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a loss of communication skills could happen
due to
Linking Words
 watching
TV
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set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
Use synonyms
community
Correct article usage
a community
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 tend to just sit in
frontal
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front
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 of a screen for freedom without talking with others, they will gradually tend to lose their social interaction skills. Recent research shows that teenagers who watch
TV
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 more than 2 freedom daily suffer from a lack of speaking skills in
frontal
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front
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 of
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community
Correct article usage
the community
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.
Secondly
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, Addiction is a common side effect of TVs.
This
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 is because
Use synonyms
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 watch them for long freedom and still
wish
Correct subject-verb agreement
wishes
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 for more. For instance, If I see one episode of an interesting program, I will wait eagerly for other episodes or other more interesting programs. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 audio may bring a little bit of joy to our lives, it still has dangerous effects on
Use synonyms
community
Add an article
the community
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that TVs are very harmful to our social and family life.

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task achievement
Your task response is generally addressing the question, but it needs a more balanced discussion. Try to devote equal attention to both sides of the argument to make a more compelling case.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but strive for greater clarity and depth. Expand your points with more detailed analysis and stronger connections between ideas.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and varied. Use real-life examples and statistical data to bolster your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is not very strong. Ensure that there is a clear progression from one point to the next without abrupt transitions. Use more intermediate and concluding sentences to smoothly connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly sets out what you will discuss, and your conclusion neatly ties everything together while reiterating your main points.
coherence cohesion
Some of your main points lack sufficient support. Provide more details and elaborate on each point to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task and attempts to answer the question.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to provide structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to support your points with examples, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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