Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? (Band 8,5)

In recent times, computer
games
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have become more immersive than ever and owning a computer has become widely popular. Even though
video
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games
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allow children to learn different concepts and improve their cognitive development, they are
also
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at risk of being addicted to these
games
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. On the one hand, digital
games
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provide children the opportunity to learn different concepts, apart from traditional learning. Kids can learn a wide range of different topics,
such
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as problem-solving, teamwork, etc. Playing
video
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games
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is not only fun, but it assists them in their mental development as well.
For example
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, a recent study explained how surgeons in Newyork General Hospital play
video
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games
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to improve their concentration, multitasking skills and ability to work under pressure.
On the other hand
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, the purpose of these
games
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is generally entertainment. They are designed in a way so as to compel the players to spend as much
time
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playing as possible.
Consequently
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, young ones spend far more
time
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than is recommended and in some cases become addicted to
this
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virtual world.
This
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can lead them to harbour feelings of isolation and social anxiety, choosing to stay indoors when they should rather be spending
time
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outside. To exemplify, a survey conducted by Blizzard Studios showed that 23% of children between the ages of 10 and 15 are at a higher risk of suffering from social anxiety
due to
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spending more
time
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playing
games
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indoors. In conclusion, technological advancements have lowered the cost of buying computers and
video
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games
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.
This
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has made them vastly more popular among the young folk, helping them in developing their mental capacities.
However
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, if a balance can be created, young ones can be shielded from the harmful effects of gaming addiction.

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task achievement
You have provided a strong introduction and conclusion, summarizing the key points clearly. However, consider rephrasing your thesis statement to make it more precise.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and transitions smoothly to enhance flow. A few more linking words could help connect ideas better.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your points well, particularly the studies mentioned about gaming skills and social anxiety.

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