IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently bought a camera while travelling overseas. When you got to your destination you discovered that some important items were missing from the box. Write a letter to the local representative of the company. In your letter give details of the camera and where you bought it explain what has happened say what you want him/her to do about it

#camera #destination #items #box #representative #company #give #explain #say
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Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Keyhan and I am writing to express my concern regarding the camera I bought from your representative in Japan
while
 I was on a trip a week ago.
Although
 I knew about your company's reputation and
this
 is the reason why I am one of your loyal costumers after I opened the box to observe the camera I found out that some important parts which were connector cable
along with
 charger are missing. As my country has no representative of your company in Iran
due to
 some sanctions imposed against us
therefore
, I am writing to you in Dubai which is the closest place to us. I would like to ask you to either send these accessories to me by post or make them ready for me to pick up whenever is possible for me to attend which I try to take place as soon as possible. Thank you for considering my issue in advance Ebrahimi Keyhan
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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detail
Begin with a more specific opening, perhaps mentioning the product model to better identify your purchase.
clarity
For clarity and precision, consider specifying the model of the camera and the details of what was missing immediately to strengthen the introduction.
structure
Use paragraph breaks to separate different points for better readability. Each paragraph could cover one of the three points you need to address, organized logically.
coherency
You could improve coherence by linking your paragraphs more explicitly, perhaps by summarizing your requests at the end for reinforcement.
formatting
Consider a polite closing line that directly addresses the recipient, such as 'Yours faithfully' followed by your name, to enhance the letter format.
praise
The letter provides a clear description of the issue and politely asks for a solution, demonstrating good task achievement.
praise
Your choice to direct the letter to a specific representative in a region close to you shows a thoughtful approach to solving the problem.
praise
Your tone remains polite and respectful throughout the letter, which is suitable for formal correspondence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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