IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are buying whta they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

#people #whta #individuals #companies
These days,more and more
people
 are purchasing their goods
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online websites.
In other words
,the amount of expenditure on
people
's stuff in online
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 has risen dramatically.There is no doubt that there are a considerable number of
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buying property from online networks.In
this
 essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of
this
 action for both
people
 and companies. Let's begin by looking at some merits
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending money on what
people
 need for individuals
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online sites.
Firstly
,
people
 are more convenient to look for what they require and
also
 select them from social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
That is
 to say,not only do not have to individuals go to stores
for purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
 properties,but
also
 they can access more options
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online websites.
Secondly
,one benefit for
Add an article
the company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 is that they can
achieve
Verb problem
attract
show examples
 more
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social networks rather than
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 shops.Clearly,the percentage of available users
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media is significantly more than the number of
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
. Turning to the other side of the argument,buying goods from online networks has some demerits for both
people
 and businesses.One of the disadvantages for
people
 is that they may not be able to choose an appropriate size for themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
If they tend to buy some clothes.It is argued
,It
Correct your spelling
that it
 is so tough for
people
 to select a shirt
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when they can not assess its physical size.
Moreover
,one of the main drawbacks of buying goods from online services for companies is that they have to compete with other online sellers,
in particular
 in price and quality.Generally speaking,If all businesses sell their properties on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
,the proportion of competition will increase
due to
 the simple access to online sellers.
To conclude
,despite the fact that purchasing properties from online
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 has some benefits for both
people
 and companies
such
 as convenience and more
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.It
also
 includes some drawbacks.Take hardness for choosing and
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of opponents as examples.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to include more specific examples and detailed explanations for your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smooth and logical transitions between your ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help maintain a better flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are well-supported with detailed explanations. This will improve the depth and comprehensiveness of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping for individuals and companies.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present the topic and summarized your main points. This gives your essay a clear beginning and end.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: