IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are more likely to be involved in car accidents, therefore the legal driving age should be raised to 22 years old. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #car #accidents #age #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is known that young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
lack
 attention
while
 driving as they are not fully focused on the road,
therefore
this
behaviour
 leads them into
car
accidents
. In different
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
 the legal
age
 of driving varies and even
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 different rules. I believe that not the driving
age
 is the problem that causes
car
accidents
,but most likely their reckless
behaviour
 is one of the main
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 for
this
 statement.
Firstly
, numerous countries do not let young folks behind the
car
 wheel except, if they are accompanied
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
drivers
 that have experience.
For instance
, in the United Kingdom, young people who just got their driving license are not allowed to drive alone, they can drive only if an older person is with them and has experience in driving.
As a result
 of
this
rule
Add a comma
rule,
show examples
 the number of
car
accidents
 produced by young adults
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 decreased.
Therefore
, not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 the matter of
this
 problem, but rather the
lack
 of training.
On the other hand
, teenagers should
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 more to get their license,
due to
 their
impacience
Correct your spelling
impatience
, which is not suitable on the road,
this
behaviour
 made
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
consider the rise of the legal
age
 for driving license in order to avoid
car
accidents
 that might be
provocated
Correct your spelling
provoked
provocation
provocative
 by an immature driver.
For example
, the USA is known for their young
drivers
 as the legal
age
 there for driving is 16 years old ,
however
, most of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 teenagers
lack
 the qualities of a good driver as
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
unexperiment
Correct your spelling
inexperienced
. In conclusion, the legal
age
 for driving should be one that satisfies both sides, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
lack
 real-life situations which makes them
vurnerable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 they are not fitted, yet, to become
drivers
,
however
, even though most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
accidents
 are
made
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by young people,
due to
 their reckless
behaviour
 in traffic, not all young people behave like
this
 , some of them are
also
 good
drivers
.
Submitted by annaungureanu794 on

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, but try to be more concise and directly address the essay question. Avoid overly general statements.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is structured in a way that helps the reader understand your points, you should improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression.
task response
You used specific examples from the UK and the USA, which strengthens your argument. However, ensure these examples are consistently well-explained and directly related to your main points. Also, varying your examples to include other countries or scenarios might provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to your main argument, but work on summarizing your points more effectively and reinforcing your stance. It appears a bit weak in summarizing the essay’s key ideas.
task response
You managed to include relevant examples to support your arguments, which is essential for a higher band score.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing that you can understand and present multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument logically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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