Some people think that the best way to preserve cultural traditions is to limit the influence of foreign cultures, while others believe that cultural exchange is beneficial for all societies. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
A magnitude of people believe that the best way to preserve culture is to limit the influence of foreign
cultures
, whereas
others believe in the benefits
that comes
with the Change the verb form
come
exchange
of cultures
. I am of the opinion that exchange
in culture brings a lot of benefits
in
a society. More details will be alluded to in the essay below.
Traditional preservation comes with an accepted way of life in a society Change preposition
to
hence
the need to preserve it. For
instance
in Southern African countries a girl child is to be defiled only by someone who has paid her bride price to her family and that brings pride and joy to Add a comma
instance,
the
both families. There are other Remove the article
apply
cultures
of dressing which Southern Africa is well known for, long tightless dresses for ladies and trousers for males which also
gives a clear distinction between females and males. However
because of the influence of other cultures
like American cultures
now children are having sex before marriage and they wear trousers and expose their bodies which changes the narrative.
On another angle, cultural exchange
bought
so many Correct your spelling
brought
benefits
in
societies. African countries moved from wearing animal skin to wearing proper clothes to cover their bodies. Technology was Change preposition
to
also
brought by other cultures
to Africa because their form of communication was drums
Change the verb form
was drummed
was drumming
amoungst
others and that was quite inefficient. One could Correct your spelling
among
also
talk of medical equipment to help with certain diseases and proper diagnosis like the CT scan unlike only using symptoms to diagnose and herbs to treat there are more methods. These are all benefits
of cultural exchange
.
In my opinion
cultural Add a comma
opinion,
exchange
is very important in a society because it moves other barbaric cultural practices to more advanced practices.
In conclusion, in as much as cultural preservation is beneficial, one has to look at the benefits
that comes
with cultural Change the verb form
come
exchange
.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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task achievement
The introduction is clear, but it could be more engaging. Try adding a hook or a statement that catches the reader's attention.
coherence cohesion
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is good. However, to achieve a higher score, elaborate on each point in more detail and provide smoother transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument. This will also help in making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. This can be achieved by better transitioning sentences and linking words.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which shows a good understanding of the structure required.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, which strengthens the argument. Good job in illustrating your ideas with real-world scenarios.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.