IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that govements should spend money for faster public transportation , others think that there are other important priortities . Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #govements #money #transportation #priortities
Few individuals have an opinion that authorities should invest in
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
show examples
 public
transport
system
.
while
 others feel that other priorities like
healthcare
,
education
 and defence should be top priorities of
government
 spending. in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the former
view
 is suitable for big metropolis
whereas
 the latter
view
 is important from
Add an article
a nation
show examples
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 interest point of
view
, and I will provide
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
show examples
 in favour of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
view
.
To begin
 with,
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
show examples
 public
transport
system
 is economically viable in
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
show examples
hub
Fix the agreement mistake
hubs
show examples
 where
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 section of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 has to use public
transport
 for daily commuting.
Working
Add an article
The working
show examples
 population has to travel from one location to another.
Moreover
,
road
Add an article
the road
show examples
transport
system
 is proving to be inadequate for city transportation. In
such
scenario
Correct article usage
a scenario
show examples
 faster transit
system
 should be constructed by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. To illustrate, In Cities like Tokyo,
New
Correct word choice
and New
show examples
 York majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is working class and
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
system
 proves inadequate in terms of demand.
Therefore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should construct faster
transport
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 like metro transit systems.
However
, investing in
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
show examples
transport
system
 is not a good decision from the
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 point of
view
. Nations have to face several challenges and sectors like
education
,
healthcare
 and defence should be
first
Add an article
the first
a first
show examples
 priority for development. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 prioritising these sectors will result in economic development at a faster pace
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
 it will help in addressing issues like unemployment, law and order and affordable
healthcare
 for
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public.
For example
, in
Canada
Add a comma
Canada,
show examples
 authorities are providing free
education
 to children and affordable
healthcare
 for its citizens. In conclusion,
although
 faster transportation can solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of traffic jams and road safety still
government
 needs to spend funds in
top priorities
Correct your spelling
top-priority
show examples
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 like
healthcare
,
education
 and defence, which will spur
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic development in the country. I believe that investing in faster public transportation is not an
economic
Change the adjective
economically
show examples
 viable choice.
Submitted by yash334 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between paragraphs for better coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that examples given are more detailed and specific to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on using a greater variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents a balanced view of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purposes well in the context of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: