The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. Summariseinformation by selecting and reporting the main features, andamake comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

Summariseinformation by selecting and reporting the main features, andamake comparisons where relevant.
These bar charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
obesity
rate
from 2004 to 2014 between both
sexses
Correct your spelling
sexes
senses
.
It is clear that
all
ethnicity
Fix the agreement mistake
ethnicities
show examples
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
show examples
from
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
rate
of
obesity
in 2014.
According to
what is
Shown
Correct word choice
As shown
show examples
, both
non-Hispanic
white and black and
hispanic
Change the capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
almost similar
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
rate
.
Non-Hispanic
white has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
higher
rate
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Non-Hispanic
black .
While
Hispanic people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
percant
Correct your spelling
per cent
lower
rate
in
comapres
Correct your spelling
compares
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Non-Hispanic
black. After a decade ,
Non-Hispanic
Correct your spelling
non-Hispanic
show examples
obesity
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
increased by 5% .
While
the number of
Non-Hispanic
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
up with
Change preposition
by
show examples
9% .
Furthermore
,
Hispanic
Fix the agreement mistake
Hispanics
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the highest
rate
in 2014
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
27%.
To sum up
, we could say that the
rate
of
obesity
Add a missing verb
was
show examples
quite into each
etinicity
Correct your spelling
ethnicity
in 2004. By 2014 , it
is
Verb problem
had
show examples
become higher with
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
in each group.
Submitted by weed92xx on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words obesity, rate, non-hispanic with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
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