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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
These bar charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 of Asian
elephant
Fix the agreement mistake
elephants
show examples
 in the year 1994 to 2007. It
clear
Add a missing verb
is clear
show examples
 that
indian's
Correct your spelling
Indian
 elephants have the highest
rate
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
china's
Capitalize word
China's
show examples
 elephants have the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
show examples
 , we can see that in 1994 Vietnam ,Malaysia ,Laos and Thailand
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a
smilar
Correct your spelling
similar
 number range around 1000-1500 .
While
Linking Words
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest number in 1994 about 500.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,the highest elephant
population
Use synonyms
 is in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7500. The
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 highest
rate
Use synonyms
 goes to
Mayanmar
Correct your spelling
Myanmar
 by about 4700 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
SriLanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 has
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 close to 2700 . In comparison with 2004,
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 have the
upper
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 ever near to 10000.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 china has only 1000.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , Vietnam , Cambodia and Laos have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
related numbers close to 1000-1200.
As well as
Linking Words
 Malaysia and
SriLanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 have a similar
rate
Use synonyms
 near to 3000.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
Mayanmar
Correct word choice
the Mayan
show examples
population
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 to 5300 and Thailand
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 to 3800.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , we
cloud
Verb problem
can
show examples
 say that Cambodia is the only country that has
a
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
drop
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the years .
While
Linking Words
 all other countries have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increasing with
diffrence
Correct your spelling
different
 numbers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trend
  • decline
  • increase
  • decrease
  • population
  • significant
  • dramatic
  • stability
  • data
  • estimate
  • notable
  • comparative
  • contrast
  • approximately
  • maximum
  • over the period
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